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Uncle Vernon Quotes

RELATED QUOTES

"Dumbledore raised his finger for silence, a silence which fell as though he had struck Uncle Vernon dumb." - J K Rowling

"Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache." - J K Rowling

"Source: Vernon Corea The Golden Voice of Radio Ceylon" - Vernon Corea

"And do I look like the kind of man that can be intimidated?" barked Uncle Vernon. "Well..." said Moody, pushing back his bowler hat to reveal his sinisterly revolving eye. Uncle Vernon lept backward in horror and collided painfully with a luggage trolley. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley." - J K Rowling

"Grace me no grace, nor uncle me no uncle." - William Shakespeare

"When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon." - Marc Maron

"They run off eckeltricity, do they?" he said knowledgeably. "Ah yes, I can see the plugs. I collect plugs," he added to Uncle Vernon. "And batteries. Got a large collection of batteries." - J K Rowling

"The fridge had been emptied of all Dudley's favorite things - fizzy drinks and cakes, chocolate bars and burgers - and filled instead with fruit and vegetables and the sorts of things that Uncle Vernon called "rabbit food." - J K Rowling

"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him." - J K Rowling

"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon. Hagrid seized his pink umbrella and whirled it over his head "NEVER -" he thundered "- INSULT -ALBUS -DUMBLEDORE - IN - FRONT - OF - ME!" - J K Rowling

"The fridge had been emptied of all Dudley's favorite things - fizzy drinks and cakes, chocolate bars and burgers - and filled instead with fruit and vegetables and the sorts of things that Uncle Vernon called "rabbit food." - J K Rowling

"Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle!" - William Shakespeare

"O my prophetic soul! My uncle!" - William Shakespeare

"My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians." - Jimmy Kimmel

"Used to ride with him to Brooklyn, Lewis and Halsey, co chocolate thai, vernon style and burn it down" - Nas

"They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the doormat. "Get the mail, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper. "Make Harry get it." "Get the mail, Harry." "Make Dudley get it." "Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley." - J K Rowling

"I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying." Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!" Dudley and Piers sniggered. "I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream." - J K Rowling

"Some bloke came up to me in Tesco a couple of years ago at 11:30 pm and said: 'Excuse me, would you mind telling my son here that you're Uncle Vernon?' I said: 'Get a grip. It's 11:30 at night - what's he doing out of bed? I'm not here to entertain people at this time of night." - Richard Griffiths

"Grace me no grace, nor uncle me no uncle; I am no traitor's uncle, and that word "grace" In an ungracious mouth is but profane." - William Shakespeare

"And if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle." - Tiffanie DeBartolo

"George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country." - George Carlin

"My uncle used to love me, but she died." - Roger Miller

"Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose." - Peter Kay

"My great uncle fought in WWI. His stories fascinated me." - Charles Todd

"Well, good-by, Uncle Tom; keep a stiff upper lip." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

"I always thought Uncle Vanya could be a stoned masterpiece." - Vera Farmiga

"We cannot reform the world.... Uncle Sugar is as dangerous a role for us to play as Uncle Shylock." - John F Kennedy

"Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!" - Red Buttons

"He [Uncle Vernon] held up the envelope in which Mrs. Weasley's letter had come, and Harry had to fight down a laugh. Every bit of it was covered in stamps except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys" address in minute writing. "She did put enough stamps on, then," said Harry, trying to sound as though Mrs. Weasley's was a mistake anyone could make." - J K Rowling

"That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand new uniform...As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that if was the proudest moment of his life. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he looked so handsome and grown-up. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh." - J K Rowling

"I only wanted Uncle Vernon standing by his own car (a Hudson) on a clear day, I got him and the car. Ialso got a bit of Aunt Mary's laundry and Beau Jack, the dog, peeing on the fence, and a row of potted tuberous begonias on the porch and 78 trees and a million pebbles in the driveway and more. It's a generous medium, photography." - Lee Friedlander

"He [Uncle Vernon] held up the envelope in which Mrs. Weasley's letter had come, and Harry had to fight down a laugh. Every bit of it was covered in stamps except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys' address in minute writing. "She did put enough stamps on, then," said Harry, trying to sound as though Mrs. Weasley's was a mistake anyone could make." - J K Rowling

"I only wanted Uncle Vernon standing by his own car (a Hudson) on a clear day, I got him and the car. Ialso got a bit of Aunt Mary's laundry and Beau Jack, the dog, peeing on the fence, and a row of potted tuberous begonias on the porch and 78 trees and a million pebbles in the driveway and more. It's a generous medium, photography." - Lee Friedlander

"When I go to China, people call me 'Uncle Mo' because they refer me as Yao Ming's uncle. I'm pleased to be his uncle as long as he listens to me!" - Dikembe Mutombo

"The thing that makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room." - Peter Cook

"Vernon distrusts Harry completely and is always concerned that he is going to do something strange at any moment. That is Vernon's biggest fear-he doesn't want anything strange happening that the neighbours might see." - Richard Griffiths

"I like playing Vernon Dursley in 'Harry Potter,' because that gives me a license to be horrible to kids. I hate the odious business of sucking up to the public." - Richard Griffiths

"You've got a problem. Part of what you own isn't yours. It belongs to Uncle Sam. May I show you how much belongs to Uncle Sam?" - Ben Feldman

"Mel is sensual with me. He treats me like an uncle - a dirty uncle. He's an earthy man and very moral underneath. He has traditional values." - Madeline Kahn

"What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another -" "It's not," said Harry cheerfully. "It's a letter from my godfather." "Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!" "Yes, I have," said Harry brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...." - J K Rowling

"[Reviewing a production of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The dogs were poorly supported by the cast." - Don Herold

"Save the people you love, who cares about the rest of the world? - Uncle Jake" - Michael Buckley

"I Hated Duke. I Felt Like They Only Recruited Black Players That Were Uncle Toms." - Jalen Rose

"Richard Cromwell was not fit to wear the mantle of his uncle." - John F Kennedy

"The best hearts, Trim, are ever the bravest, replied my uncle Toby." - Laurence Sterne

"A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt" - Mark Twain

"You know, my uncle wore a lot of jewelry, a lot of gold chains." - 2 Chainz

"If 10% is good enough for Jesus, it oughta be enough for Uncle Sam." - Ray Stevens

"[Moses] is obsessed with hip-hop and wanted a gold chain like his uncle Jay-Z." - Gwyneth Paltrow

"I received my Greetings from Uncle Sam in May 1943. I applied for the Air Force." - Desi Arnaz

"I have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight." - William Shakespeare

"If my aunt had a male appendage, she'd be my uncle." - Jamal Simmons

"Sniviling worm (...) a Jewish Uncle Tom who would have turned rat on Anne Frank." - Mark Williams

"A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam's, Born on the Fourth of July." - George M Cohan

"God is not nice. God is not an uncle. God is an earthquake." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

"Come with uncle and hear all proper. Hear angel trumpets and devil trombones...you are invited!" - Anthony Burgess

"Long ago, in a burst of friendliness, Aunty and Uncle Jimmy produced a son named Henry..." - Harper Lee

"I learned from my uncle that jazz, like symphony music, was built to last." - David Amram

"You know, my uncle wore a lot of jewelry, a lot of gold chains." - Two Chainz

"I don't like the way Uncle Junior dresses. He loves it." - Dominic Chianese

"My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago." - George Gobel

"My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama." - Fred Allen

"My uncle always said that I could have been a rancher." - Robert Duvall

"My favorite lie was the online rumor that Bruce Willis was my uncle. That's hilarious." - Kreayshawn

"An uncle gave me a side drum and my mother decided I should have lessons." - Humphrey Lyttelton

"Then my uncle would give off the smell of freshly baked bread which I love." - Mark Mckinney

"Maybe! Maybe! Maybe if your aunt had a beard, she'd be your uncle." - Alvah Bessie

"Uncle fought in Vietnam and then he fought a war all by himself." - Bob Dylan

"I did not write it (Uncle Tom's Cabin). God wrote it. I merely did his dictation." - Harriet Beecher Stowe

"My uncle and my grandfather both worked in the Brooklyn Navy Yard." - Dave Van Ronk

"They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle." - Sarah Silverman

"I used to sing songs and write with my uncle, Bill Owens." - Dolly Parton

"Viewers figure, 'Uncle Willard doesn't know any more about the weather than I do.' They're right." - Willard Scott

"I felt no pressure that my grandfather was famous and my uncle was famous." - Kim Weston

"I love my brothers' kids. It's funny - as an uncle, you become so protective of them." - Liam Hemsworth

"My great-great-great uncle - or maybe it's only two 'greats' - crossbred the first Aberdeen Angus." - Joanna Lumley

"Being a son, brother, uncle and brother-in-law is all I care about." - Chris Burke

"I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later, we found out he was a bear." - Jack Handey

"I had a very crazy aunt and uncle who we traded my brother Webster to for a Siamese cat. It was heaven to live with my aunt and uncle because you got spoiled to death." - Rex Smith

"Right now, I'm worth a million dollars, and I owe Uncle Sam a million-and-a-half dollars, and I made a deal with him. I said, 'Uncle Sam, I'm going to pay you 25 grand a month." - Robert Blake

"Tavi looked wildly around the courtyard, and when his gaze flicked toward them, his face lit witha ferocious smile. "Uncle Bernard! Uncle Bernard!" he shouted, pointing at Doroga. "He followed me home! Can we keep him?" - Jim Butcher

"i remember we all cried like the Missouri when my Uncle Sol's coffin lurched because somebody pressed a button (and down went my uncle Sol and started a worm farm)" - E E Cummings

"It's nice when somebody tells you about their uncle. Especially when they start out telling you about their father's farm and then all of a sudden get more interested in their uncle." - J D Salinger

"You can tell your uncle stuff that you could not tell your dad. That is kind of the role of an uncle. I feel very much like a father sometimes but sometimes I feel like a teammate." - Dusty Baker

"My uncle was a hero, Lewis Roundtree. He was not even related to me really, but he was always called my uncle. He was like a father to me. I was closer to him than I was my father." - Ed Bradley

"Right now, I'm worth a million dollars, and I owe Uncle Sam a million-and-a-half dollars, and I made a deal with him. I said, 'Uncle Sam, I'm going to pay you 25 grand a month.'" - Robert Blake

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

"Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?" "He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you're interested" - Darynda Jones

"My uncle used to sit me on his lap and play "ventriloquist", only I wasn't wearing pants." - Thom Yorke

"Someday you will know that the heart is not always as wise as it is strong. - Uncle Eddie" - Ally Carter

"Dad told Uncle Seth not to screw things up," she informed me as we washed our hands. "He said even if Uncle Seth is famous, him getting a woman like you defies belief." I laughed and smoothed down the skirt of my dress. "I do' know about that. I do' think your dad gives your uncle enough credit." Brandy gave me a sage look, worthy of someone much older. "Uncle Seth spent last Valentine's Day at a library." - Richelle Mead

"Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?" "He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you're interested" - Darynda Jones

"Dad told Uncle Seth not to screw things up," she informed me as we washed our hands. "He said even if Uncle Seth is famous, him getting a woman like you defies belief." I laughed and smoothed down the skirt of my dress. "I don't know about that. I don't think your dad gives your uncle enough credit." Brandy gave me a sage look, worthy of someone much older. "Uncle Seth spent last Valentine's Day at a library." - Richelle Mead

"But, Dad! We can't leave. Uncle Jake is hurt!" Daphne said. "Besides, that's Pinocchio. I want to get an autograph." - Michael Buckley

"Got a house on the hill, cost a couple of mill, Juicy J got bank like Uncle Phil." - Juicy J

"I saw Uncle John with Long Tall Sally, he saw Aunt Mary coming and he ducked back in the alley." - Little Richard

"I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west." - Rodney Dangerfield

"You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle." - Demetri Martin

"Junk runs in the family. My granddad was a junk man in St. Louis and so was my uncle." - Redd Foxx

"Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player." - Anthony Jeselnik

"Inheritance taxes are so high that the happiest mourner at a rich man's funeral is usually Uncle Sam." - Richard Miller

"The name 'Chuck Jones', according to my uncle, limited my choice of profession to second baseman or cartoonist." - Chuck Jones

"Trying to be like my uncle, because I was an only child. He and my cousins were everything to me." - Deon Cole

"I don't use those terms [like Uncle Tom], and I would never speak in that kind of language." - Jill Stein

"Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle." - Chelsea Handler

"My uncle is an optimist. He just asked the IRS to take him off their mailing list." - Joe L. Griffith

"Having competed themselves, my father and my uncle are very passionate about motorsport, so I inherited it from them." - Pastor Maldonado

"Look, I learned from your uncle that when the universe turns out to be insane, the wise man embraces insanity." - Bradley Denton

"A few years later, my Uncle David took me to the Earle Theatre to hear Duke Ellington." - David Amram

"My father, obviously, and my mother were inspirations. My uncle, Frank Harper, he was an absolute mentor for me." - Hill Harper

"When Liza Minelli was a child, she used to sit on my lap and call me Uncle Sammy." - Sammy Davis Jr

"My youngest uncle Randy and I were the first members of our entire family to ever go to college." - James Earl Jones

"No woman in Afghanistan is in business without support from either her husband or her father or her uncle, someone." - Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

"The press is like the peculiar uncle you keep in the attic - just one of those unfortunate things." - G Gordon Liddy

"Inheritance taxes are so high that the happiest mourner at a rich man's funeral is usually Uncle Sam." - Olin Miller

"When Liza Minelli was a child, she used to sit on my lap and call me Uncle Sammy." - Sammy Davis, Jr.

"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?" - Margaret Smith

"Uncle Brett had a definite vision that he was after, I don't think having a famous father affected him much." - Kim Weston

"It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought." - P G Wodehouse

"I grew up watching and learning from the ultimate partnership, and that is of my father and late uncle." - Jonathan Tisch

"If Uncle Martin were here today, he would surely commend us for giving honor where honor is due." - Alveda King

"My Uncle, of course, would have been pleased to see someone with brown skin holding the office of president." - Alveda King

"If 10 percent is good enough for the Lord, it ought to be good enough for Uncle Sam." - Paul Broun

"You can pay Uncle Sam with all your overtime, is that all you get for your money?" - Billy Joel

"Oooh, if you have never been to Alaska, go there while it is still wild. My favorite uncle asked me if I wanted to go there, Uncle Sam. He said if you don't go, you're going to jail. That is how Uncle Sam asks you." - Bob Ross

"You have the upper class Negroes who are the modern day Uncle Toms or the 20th century Uncle Toms. They don't wear a handkerchief anymore. They wear top hats. They're called Doctor, they're called - Reverend, but they're still - they play the same role today that Uncle Tom played on the plantation." - Malcolm X

"Vernon Bogdanor's account The Monarchy and the Constitution is written as much in the shadow of Edmund Burke as it is of Walter Bagehot. He stresses the organic development of the British constitution, prefers evolution to revolution, and thinks stability is better than strife." - David Cannadine

"I'm convinced from what I know of Vernon Bundy that his testimony was truthful." - Jim Garrison

"Today's Uncle Tom doesn't wear a handkerchief on his head. This modern, twentieth-century Uncle Thomas now often wears a top hat. He's usually well-dressed and well-educated. He's often the personification of culture and refinement. The twentieth-century Uncle Thomas sometimes speaks with a Yale or Harvard accent. Sometimes he is known as Professor, Doctor, Judge, and Reverend, even Right Reverend Doctor. This twentieth-century Uncle Thomas is a professional Negro -by that I mean his profession is being a Negro for the white man." - Malcolm X

"The closer the genetic relationship of the family members, as for example father-to-son, as opposed to uncle-to-nephew, the higher the degree of cooperation." - E O Wilson

"The woman I loved died because I did not love her enough - what greater sin is there than that?" (Uncle Chaim and Aunt Fifke and the Angel)" - Peter S Beagle

"Until I dicover the meaning of this sentence, I will neither eat nor sleep. "My dear uncle-" I began. "Nor you either," he added." - Jules Verne

"Robb: Uncle Benjen said to send you to the stables if I saw you. Jon: I have one more farewell to make. Robb: Then I haven't seen you." - George R R Martin

"You let their friendship continue because Maisie looks after your son while you're gallivanting around the country disguised as Sherlock Holmes" - Uncle Paton Yewbeam" - Jenny Nimmo

"Uncle Jeb," we croaked in surprise. "You found us." "Well, now," he said, and his gruff voice brought back a hundred memories. "Well, now, here's a pickle." - Stephenie Meyer

"No one can teach your child like you can. No nanny, Bible school teacher, aunt, or uncle has your authority. What a phenomenal privilege is yours." - Max Lucado

"I'm not an Uncle Tom. . .. I'm going to be here for 40 years. For those who don't like it, get over it." - Clarence Thomas

"I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen." - Louise Rennison

"(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)" - Tina Fey

"Let me get it straight. Your father was king. You were his only son. Your father dies. You are of age. Your uncle becomes king." "Yes." "Unorthodox." - Tom Stoppard

"Does Uncle Bob have anything?" "I heard he has an STD." "I mean on the women." "Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs." - Darynda Jones

"Uncle claims that if he files his income tax wrong he'll go to jail, and if he files it right he'll go to the poor house." - Nonnee Coan

"Ay, marry, uncle; for I always thought It was both impious and unnatural That such immanity and bloody strife Should reign among professors of one faith." - William Shakespeare

"If you're referring to the incident with the Dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the door." - J R R Tolkien

"Meltdown when we get home. Mom keeps chocolate for meltdowns. Daddy always has them when Uncle Jonas visits." -David Lyons from Tanner's Scheme-" - Lora Leigh

"Your uncle," Poseidon sighed, "has always had a flair for dramatic exits. I think he would've done well as the god of theater." - Rick Riordan

"There was living in the palace at this time a brother of the great Germanicus, and consequently an uncle of the late emperor, whose name was Claudius Caesar." - Frederic Farrar

"A small business person has Uncle Sam as a partner, a partner who puts up no money, does no work, and wants 30 or 40 percent" - Irwin Schiff

"I'll have you weak in the knees that you could hardly speak, Or we could do like Uncle L and swing an ep in my Jeep." - Q-Tip

"I may drink too much and play too loud, hang out with a rough and rowdy crowd. That don't mean I don't respect my mama or Uncle Sam." - Tracy Byrd



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RELATED TOPICS

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