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Santa Quotes


"Santa was a fake." - Stephen Lawrence

"Nobody shoots at Santa Claus." - Samuel Butler

"Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane!" - Gene Autry

"I wasn't Santa in Santa Jr., but I was Santa in Cancel Christmas." - Judd Nelson

"Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"Jesus is Santa Claus for Adults" - Christopher Hitchens

"The Santa Claus principle liquidates itself." - Ludwig Von Mises

"By the way, Santa just is white." - Megyn Kelly

"Be naughty - save Santa a trip." - Anonymous

"They'd boo Santa Claus, this mob." - Jack Gibson

"The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus." - Pat Boone

"I got to play Santa, too. It's really important to play Santa, you know." - Judd Nelson

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips

"There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Anonymous

"God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat." - H L Mencken

"It's like giving up a belief in Santa Claus." - Burton Malkiel

"I'm Santa Claus to these hoes without a reindeer." - Nicki Minaj

"I feel warm and reassured," I whispered. "He's like Santa." - Maureen Johnson

"I'm not going to make a present of Santa." - Sam Allardyce

"Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus." - Annie Dillard

"Grown ups don't believe in Santa Claus. They vote." - Pierre Desproges

"Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus." - Jim Lovell

"Kids believe in Santa; adults believe in childhood." - Cate Kennedy

"The real Santa Claus is at the mall." - Daniel Handler

"I felt like I had just double-tapped Santa." - Jim Butcher

"I keep three hoes, But don't'call me Santa" - Nicki Minaj

"What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for?" - Salman Rushdie

"Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus." - Matt Barr

"I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus!" - Edith Piaf

"Santa Jr. I was a cop. Yes, I was officially Santa. But a younger Santa. He goes young, clean-shaven, to how we imagine Santa with all the white hair and beard and "Ho ho ho." Kind of funny." - Judd Nelson

"Maybe Santa Claus is real. Here's the problem: reality." - David Remnick

"All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes." - Maud Lindsay

"Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip." - Gary Allan

"I joined the board of the Santa Fe Institute." - Esther Dyson

"I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12!" - Danielle De Niese

"For the most part, people use God as Santa Claus." - Rickie Lee Jones

"I live in a cabin in Santa Cruz." - Nell Newman

"Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!" - Louis Sachar

"Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit ... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental." - Julia Sweeney

"Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental." - Julia Sweeney

"Texas, to be respected must be polite. Santa Anna living, can be of incalculable benefit to Texas; Santa Anna dead, would just be another dead Mexican." - Sam Houston

"A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty." - William Feather

"Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer." - Conan O'Brien

"Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates." - Jon Stewart

"I'm trying to get far away from [picturing God as] Gandalf or Santa Claus." - William P Young

"I stand with the Santa Barbara News-Press. How about you?" - Michelle Malkin

"This Christmas, every Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere and Jesus is nowhere to be found." - Paul Park

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." - Matt Groening

"Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus." - J.R. Ward

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live." - Dennis Miller

"Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"I seriously doubt that the Santa police do an underwear check." -Cora" - Sarah Dessen

"Santa cAme early this year! good things come to those who wait! ? rebelheart" - Madonna Ciccone

"The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present." - Eddy Sims

"In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?" - Rush Limbaugh

"Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!" - Francis Pharcellus Church

"Dolph Ziggler reminds me of Santa; everywhere he goes he brings an old bag with him." - Jerry Lawler

"If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves." - Ted Strickland

"It's called the Santa Claus effect; the holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle." - Andrew Barrett

"Once you stop believing in Santa Claus, the whole world just goes downhill." - Tom Clancy

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." - Matt Groening

"Santa cAme early this year! good things come to those who wait! rebelheart" - Madonna Ciccone

"Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa." - Jim Jefferies

"Rumors that the sun is out at Santa Ynez are without foundation," the radio said." - John Brunner

"I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year." - Jimmy Fallon

"When I go home to Santa Cruz, I'm the same girl as when I grew up." - Marisa Miller

"I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus!" - Courtney Love

"I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person." - Trey Parker

"I live in Santa Cruz. I moved here in 1974 and couldn't leave." - Ellen Bass

"I was born in Santa Monica but brought up abroad so I don't use English much." - Geraldine Chaplin

"I split my time between Santa Barbara and Aspen. I live on a pretty fast horse." - Kevin Costner

"You can't trick The Universe - it's like Santa Claus that way." - Tracy Mcmillan

"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge

"More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good." - Linda Sunshine

"Most of the holiday movies I enjoy, like 'It's a Wonderful Life,' don't really involve Santa." - George Wendt

"A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus." - Herbert Hoover

"Work takes me away from my wife, Sue, and my life in Santa Barbara." - Jeff Bridges

"I was probably nine or ten the first time I heard there was no Santa Claus." - Joe Nichols

"I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too." - Barbara Bretton

"Dear Santa, I'm good at being naughty, I think that should count." - Unknown

"You remember when you were a kid growing up, and believed in Santa Claus? There's not much difference between Santa Claus and me today, you know. We're two overweight lovable guys that kids really enjoy." - Bobby Knight

"Growing up, Santa Claus would cover the presents with a white blanket, so when we'd wake up Christmas morning, we had to wait for my dad to do the big reveal of all the presents Santa brought." - Martina Mcbride

"Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he'd get back to me next year." - Benicio Del Toro

"The gift from my Secret Santa wasn't anything special. That makes me sad. I bet you anything that Mary Elizabeth is my Secret Santa because only she would give me socks." - Stephen Chbosky

"We have confused God with Santa Claus. And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus." - Harold S. Kushner

"Santa Barbara is my hood. I mean, it's not much of a hood, but it is definitely like my hood. I claim Santa Barbara like I claim my family. I'm going to be married and buried there." - Katy Perry

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"If SANTA CLAUS came down the chimney in a f**king jogging suit, you wouldn't even know it was him." - Wayne Coyne

"So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear." - Jeff Kinney

"When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa." - Jon Stewart

"Because I am still a little girl who believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and you." - Laurie Halse Anderson

"I keep 3 hos but don't call me Santa And I'm and I'm flyer than reindeers in winter" - Nicki Minaj

"Unwisely, Santa offered a teddy bear to James, unaware he had been mauled by a grizzly earlier this year." - Tim Burton

"God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time." - Bil Keane

"I thought you were all-seeing." All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus!" - Kelley Armstrong

"Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-" "It's Herman Melville." - Daniel Handler

"God? Nope." requel's smile told me she was joking around to make this easier for me "santa clause? No again." - Claudia Gray

"Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-" "It's Herman Melville." - Daniel Handler

"I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9." - Thom Yorke

"A born terror, a rebel without a pause... Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus?" - Shyheim

"My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide." - Phyllis Diller

"We're not mad at God, just like atheists don't hate Santa or Unicorns, they're just not there!" - Hemant Mehta

"Like kids who only ever get socks for Christmas, but still believe with all their hearts in Santa." - Barbara Kingsolver

"The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus," - Jude Wanniski

"Have you ever wanted to put on a Santa suit?" "I have always wanted to do that," said Carter gravely." - Richelle Mead

"Santa Fe is fun to visit, but property there will cost you an arm and a dillo." - Emo Philips

"You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap." - Jeff Foxworthy

"If the Pilgrims had landed in Santa Monica Bay rather than Boston, we'd have six states out here!" - Kevin Starr

"I had always heard of Bad Santa one but I hadn't seen it, but it was sort of legendary." - Christina Hendricks

"I will show you the way To Africa comes Santa Claus and before Paris stands Mickey Mouse." - Till Lindemann

"The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants." - John Andrew Holmes

"Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket." - Henny Youngman

"In the years since his murder, we have transformed King into a kind of innocuous black Santa Claus." - Timothy B. Tyson

"I put on weight like Santa Claus. I just get this belly that kind of extends out." - Christian Bale

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." - George Carlin

"No, there are some location shoots in Vegas, maybe four trips a year. It's shot in Santa Clarita, CA." - George Eads

"I thought you were all-seeing." All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus!" - Kelley Armstrong

"Santa Fe is a great place which people don't get there often, but it's like a unique place." - Mick Ralphs

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." - Dick Gregory

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing." - Steven Wright

"I'm from Santa Cruz in Northern California, and the 49ers were my dad and I's bonding time." - Marisa Miller

"I just discovered the Santa Monica flea market, every Sunday. I go weekly. There's a lot of interesting things there." - April Bowlby

"I never saw a department store Santa as a kid. My mother was afraid to take me." - Terry Zwigoff

"I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area." - Denis Leary

"The title of that great Christmas song was 'Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,' and no one ever heard of it." - Patti Page

"Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven." - H L Mencken

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white; Oh, what a laugh it would have been. If daddy had only seen. mommy kissing Santa Claus, last night." - Jimmy Boyd

"Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list" - Milton Berle

"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" - Arlo Guthrie

"No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas." - Al Smith

"I think one of the reasons we have children is to believe everything all over again. And I'm not talking Santa, here, either." - Elizabeth Berg

"I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don't even try to tell me different." - Dolly Parton

"Harry Potter's like Santa Clause: something you can't see but wish was real so badly that you end up believing in it." - Emma Watson

"If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood." - Jack Handey

"The day I saw my mom eating the Santa cookies on the plate was one of the most horrific days of my life." - Halle Berry

"Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt." - Charles M Schulz

"I'm not a big fan of the tchotchkes. It always reminds me of a grandma's stuffy home with a million Santa dolls." - Jeremiah Brent

"President Reagan rushed home from Santa Barbara vacation, from the Reagan ranch when the Korean jetliner was shot out of the air by the Russians." - Kate Obenshain

"Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig." - Neil Degrasse Tyson

"Santa Barbara people are conservative-not like in L.A., where everybody wears rhinestones on their glasses to show that they own an airplane factory." - S J Perelman

"Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th." - Roy Blount Jr

"A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset." - James Gould Cozzens

"The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is." - Jim Cornette

"Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide." - Milton Berle

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus. Unfortunately, so did my parents. So I never got anything." - Charlie Viracola

"Luckily, I always travel with a book, just in case I have to wait on line for Santa, or some such inconvenience." - David Levithan

"A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa." - Ricky Gervais

"I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementarys school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5." - James Frecheville

"Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office." - Chelsea Handler

"I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos." - Christopher Titus



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