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Santa Claus Quotes

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"Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus." - Pat Boone

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"Nobody shoots at Santa Claus." - Samuel Butler

"Here comes Santa Claus! Here comes Santa Claus! Right down Santa Claus Lane!" - Gene Autry

"Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?" - Arlo Guthrie

"Jesus is Santa Claus for Adults" - Christopher Hitchens

"The Santa Claus principle liquidates itself." - Ludwig Von Mises

"They'd boo Santa Claus, this mob." - Jack Gibson

"There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Anonymous

"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." - W C Fields

"God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat." - H L Mencken

"It's like giving up a belief in Santa Claus." - Burton Malkiel

"I'm Santa Claus to these hoes without a reindeer." - Nicki Minaj

"Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus." - Annie Dillard

"Grown ups don't believe in Santa Claus. They vote." - Pierre Desproges

"Please be informed, there is a Santa Claus." - Jim Lovell

"The real Santa Claus is at the mall." - Daniel Handler

"Not everyone who sells Christmas trees believes in Santa Claus." - Matt Barr

"I'm the only one who still believes in Santa Claus!" - Edith Piaf

"Maybe Santa Claus is real. Here's the problem: reality." - David Remnick

"All the world is happy when Santa Claus comes." - Maud Lindsay

"I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12!" - Danielle De Niese

"For the most part, people use God as Santa Claus." - Rickie Lee Jones

"Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!" - Louis Sachar

"The kindly God who lovingly fashioned each and every one of us and sprinkled the sky with shining stars for our delight - that God is, like Santa Claus, a myth of childhood, not anything [that] a sane, undeluded adult could literally believe in. That God must either be turned into a symbol for something less concrete or abandoned altogether." - Daniel Dennett

"A true bubble is when something is overvalued and intensely believed. Education may be the only thing people still believe in in the United States. To question education is really dangerous. It is the absolute taboo. It's like telling the world there's no Santa Claus." - Peter Thiel

"He was a parade all by himself, a burst of dazzle and jingle, Santa Claus drinking his whiskey straight and groaning with a bellyache... Babe Ruth made the music that his joyous years danced to in a continuous party... What Babe Ruth is comes down, one generation handing it down to the next, as a nation heirloom." - Jimmy Cannon

"A man of fifty looks as old as Santa Claus to a girl of twenty." - William Feather

"Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates." - Jon Stewart

"I'm trying to get far away from [picturing God as] Gandalf or Santa Claus." - William P Young

"This Christmas, every Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere and Jesus is nowhere to be found." - Paul Park

"Besides, the mhis that surrounded the compound could scramble anything from GPS to Santa Claus." - J.R. Ward

"Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?" - Rush Limbaugh

"Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!" - Francis Pharcellus Church

"If Mitt Romney was Santa Claus, he would fire the reindeer and outsource the elves." - Ted Strickland

"It's called the Santa Claus effect; the holiday period is traditionally a strong cycle." - Andrew Barrett

"Once you stop believing in Santa Claus, the whole world just goes downhill." - Tom Clancy

"I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus!" - Courtney Love

"I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person." - Trey Parker

"You can't trick The Universe - it's like Santa Claus that way." - Tracy Mcmillan

"Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge

"More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good." - Linda Sunshine

"A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus." - Herbert Hoover

"I was probably nine or ten the first time I heard there was no Santa Claus." - Joe Nichols

"I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too." - Barbara Bretton

"Santa was a fake." - Stephen Lawrence

"Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit ... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental." - Julia Sweeney

"Our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit... Santa, who was jolly - but, let's face it, he was also very judgmental." - Julia Sweeney

"You remember when you were a kid growing up, and believed in Santa Claus? There's not much difference between Santa Claus and me today, you know. We're two overweight lovable guys that kids really enjoy." - Bobby Knight

"Well when I was a kid, I asked Santa Claus for some toys. Santa Claus wrote me a letter that he lost his bag. He said he'd get back to me next year." - Benicio Del Toro

"We have confused God with Santa Claus. And we believe that prayer means making a list of everything you don't have but want and trying to persuade God you deserve it. Now I'm sorry, that's not God, that's Santa Claus." - Harold S. Kushner

"If SANTA CLAUS came down the chimney in a f**king jogging suit, you wouldn't even know it was him." - Wayne Coyne

"God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time." - Bil Keane

"I thought you were all-seeing." All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus!" - Kelley Armstrong

"I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9." - Thom Yorke

"A born terror, a rebel without a pause... Ain't never had a good Christmas, so who is Santa Claus?" - Shyheim

"The only thing wrong with the U.S. economy is the failure of the Republican Party to play Santa Claus," - Jude Wanniski

"You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap." - Jeff Foxworthy

"I will show you the way To Africa comes Santa Claus and before Paris stands Mickey Mouse." - Till Lindemann

"The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants." - John Andrew Holmes

"In the years since his murder, we have transformed King into a kind of innocuous black Santa Claus." - Timothy B. Tyson

"I put on weight like Santa Claus. I just get this belly that kind of extends out." - Christian Bale

"I thought you were all-seeing." All-knowing, not all-seeing!" he snapped. "I'm a God, not Santa Claus!" - Kelley Armstrong

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark." - Dick Gregory

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing." - Steven Wright

"The title of that great Christmas song was 'Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,' and no one ever heard of it." - Patti Page

"Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven." - H L Mencken

"I wasn't Santa in Santa Jr., but I was Santa in Cancel Christmas." - Judd Nelson

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white; Oh, what a laugh it would have been. If daddy had only seen. mommy kissing Santa Claus, last night." - Jimmy Boyd

"If somebody harbours delusions, I think that should disqualify them from office, regardless whether the delusions are religious. Letting someone who thinks the god Jehovah will bail him out serve in public office is like letting a man who believes in Santa Claus run a Toys 'R Us. The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic. Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." - John F Kennedy

"No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas." - Al Smith

"If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood." - Jack Handey

"Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt." - Charles M Schulz

"Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th." - Roy Blount Jr

"A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset." - James Gould Cozzens

"The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns that Vince Russo is." - Jim Cornette

"Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide." - Milton Berle

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus. Unfortunately, so did my parents. So I never got anything." - Charlie Viracola

"I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementarys school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5." - James Frecheville

"For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling." - Doug Larson

"I didn't grow up in church. I had no concept of God - existence, I - the name Jesus was synonymous with tooth fairy and Santa Claus." - Paula White

"No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas." - Alfred E. Smith

"Don't let your prayers turn into a wish list for Santa Claus. Worship God and praise him when you come to him in prayer." - Bill Hybels

"I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted." - David Cross

"Prayer is not adult letters written to Santa Claus, and God is not some parent-like figure up in the sky who's going to take care of us." - John Shelby Spong

"With big folks, either people think you look mean or it's more of a jolly Santa Claus, 'Oh, he's just a pudgy little teddy bear pillow.'" - The Notorious Big

"Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God." - Scott Dikkers

"OK, I admit it. I was just a front-man for the real fathers of Linux, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus." - Linus Torvalds

"You better watch out You better not cry Better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town" - Maud Lindsay

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." - Shirley Temple

"One of the things I had a hard time getting used to when I came to California in '78 was Santa Claus in shorts." - Dennis Franz

"I was Santa Claus in first year of primary school, our elementary's school play, because I had most panache, that was probably why. I was 5." - James Frecheville

"No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas." - Al Smith

"Everyone thinks of God as a man - you can't help it - Santa Claus was a man, therefore God has to be a man." - Patti Smith

"When I was a kid, I believed in Santa Claus. But it was very tough because in the Dominican... there are not a lot of rich people there." - Alfonso Soriano

"Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show." - David Letterman

"Growing up, Santa Claus would cover the presents with a white blanket, so when we'd wake up Christmas morning, we had to wait for my dad to do the big reveal of all the presents Santa brought." - Martina Mcbride

"We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins." - Andy Rooney

"Children are grateful when Santa Claus puts in their stockings gifts of toys or sweets. Could I not be grateful to Santa Claus when he put in my stockings the gift of two miraculous legs? We thank people for birthday presents of cigars and slippers. Can I thank no one for the birthday present of birth?" - Gilbert K Chesterton

"We have domesticated God's transcendence. We often learn about God at about the same time as we are learning about Santa Claus; but our ideas about Santa Claus change, mature and become more nuanced, whereas our ideas of God can remain at a rather infantile level." - Karen Armstrong

"When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was rail thin, so it's not like I was a traditional Santa Claus even then. I had a square stomach; that was the shape of the sofa cushion that I had stuffed into my pants." - Tom Hanks

"I'm concerned about my daughter because she will not believe in Santa Claus. No matter what I say to her, she just doesn't buy it, and she's 2. I refuse to give it up. I say, 'There is a Santa Claus,' and she says, 'Okay, Mommy. In pretend world, right?' She really doesn't believe." - Salma Hayek

"I had this grand idea that Elvira's kind of the Santa Claus of Halloween - at the malls, you'd have an Elvira there. Girls would dress as Elvira just like guys dress as Santa Claus, and it's not the real thing, but they'll pose for pictures, sign autographs. Of course, I couldn't go around to every mall, so we'd have to get more Elviras." - Cassandra Peterson

"By the way, Santa just is white." - Megyn Kelly

"Be naughty - save Santa a trip." - Anonymous

"You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus!" - George S Kaufman

"I got to play Santa, too. It's really important to play Santa, you know." - Judd Nelson

"Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas" - W C Fields

"If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus." - Jack Handey

"Postal officials say that before Christmas they receive tons of letters written to Santa Claus, but after Christmas how few letters of thanks are sent to him! From childhood onward, human beings seem to be characterized by thanklessness." - Robert E Lee

"My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely-a creature they'd known for centuries-because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus." - Kevin Hearne

"I wanted to ask a thousand questions, but there was no one to ask. Besides I knew that people only told lies to children-lies about everything from soup to Santa Claus." - Marilyn Monroe

"Santa Claus has already been here and everything. Want to see what he brought for you?" "Is it a big present?" "Very big." "With a big red bow on it?" - Tina St John

"Never deny the babies their Christmas! It is the shining seal set upon, a year of happiness. Let them believe in Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas; or Kriss Kringle, or whatever name the jolly Dutch saint bears in your religion." - Mary Virginia Terhune

"No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"We're going to start with the injury report, obviously. Manning, Clark, Addai, Reggie Wayne, Freeney, Mathis, Brackett - all those guys will not play. Oh, hold up. That was my wish list for Santa Claus." - Rex Ryan

"You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly..." "How about 'Dear Fatty'?" - Charles M Schulz

"I tend to think that immortal souls, invisible sky daddies, and Santa Claus all belong in the same basket. The disposition of that basket is left as an exercise for the reader." - Charles Stross

"She thinks I'm a drug dealer. (Chris) "The most "illegal" thing the boy had ever done was to walk past a Salvation Army Santa Claus, once, without dropping money into the kettle." (Wulf)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely-a creature they"d known for centuries-because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus." - Kevin Hearne

"Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals." - Daniel Handler

"There's been fifty-million people that died since Sharon Tate died and I got everybody in Santa Claus land chasing me, trying to make me feel remorse for one psychotic episode of (Tex) Watson." - Charles Manson

"Do some good to the ghetto, Mr. Kris Kringle. Come and stay awhile, kick it with God's Angels. Take and acknowledge my wisdom and understand That Santa Claus is a black man." - Keith Murray

"Physically he was the connoisseur's connoisseur. He was a giant panda, Santa Claus and the Jolly Green Giant rolled into one. On him, a lean and slender physique would have looked like very bad casting." - Craig Claiborne

"She thinks I'm a drug dealer. (Chris) 'The most "illegal" thing the boy had ever done was to walk past a Salvation Army Santa Claus, once, without dropping money into the kettle.' (Wulf)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"Now I admit that the notion of a warless world is a pleasant and attractive thought. But people who believe that there can be such a thing should ask it of Santa Claus, in whom they doubtless also believe." - Revilo P. Oliver

""In all this world there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child," says good old Santa Claus; and if he had his way the children would all be beautiful, for all would be happy." - L Frank Baum

"The government and its chiefs do not have the powers of the mythical Santa Claus. They cannot spend except by taking out of the pockets of some people for the benefit of others." - Ludwig Von Mises

"Someone once said that taxes are the price we pay for civilization. That may have been true when he said it, but today taxes are mostly the price we pay so that politicians can play Santa Claus and get reelected." - Thomas Sowell

"In all this world there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child, says good old Santa Claus; and if he had his way the children would all be beautiful, for all would be happy." - L Frank Baum

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy." - Francis Pharcellus Church

"Human life [is] ... a process of filling in time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind of business one is going to transact during the long wait." - Eric Berne

"I think we have to believe in things we don't see. That's really important for all of us, whether it's your religion or Santa Claus, or whatever. That's pretty much what it's about." - James Caan

"Ronald has had bicycle safety and safety in the home. Yes, Ronald is McDonald's, second most recognised figure after Santa Claus, and there's an element of obviously benefiting your business." - Jim Cantalupo

"I actually share her view and understand her frustration when any government attempts to ban secular symbols like Santa Claus or Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or Christmas lights." - Steve Israel

"I remember being banned from other houses as a younger child during the winter holiday season; I was the only one who didn't believe in Santa Claus, and I was ruining everyone's Christmas." - Jami Attenberg

"What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises." - Chuck Palahniuk

"I was once part of a Christmas cabaret. I sang 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' I tap-danced. I had a ten-gallon hat. It was quite absurd." - Peter Dinklage

"Happiness does not come from external things as we're really taught as children. It doesn't come from Santa Claus. Happiness is from within your mind. Just realizing that will change your whole life." - Frederick Lenz

"The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff." - Criss Jami

"Look, at some point, people have to tell their kids that Santa Claus isn't real. I hate to be the guy to do it, but it's just not real." - Floyd Landis

"Many practitioners think there is some giant balance scale, where someone is keeping track, like Santa Claus, and that will determine your allotment of presents. That's a very exoteric understanding of reincarnation." - Frederick Lenz

"If you look at Christmas movies, there are certain things in them that lend themselves to a 'Harold & Kumar' movie. In particular, the more out-of-this-world things like Santa Claus and flying reindeer." - Hayden Schlossberg

"My wife and I got to go onstage at a Flaming Lips concert at Webster Hall once. We dressed up like Scientology aliens and danced around. We had a shootout onstage with Santa Claus." - Bill Hader

""You don't believe in God," I said to Stein. "God is a word banging around in the human nervous system. He exists about as much as Santa Claus." "Santa Claus has had a tremendous influence, exist or not." "For children." "Lots of saints have died for God with a courage that's hardly childish." "That's part of the horror. It's all a fantasy. It's all for nothing."" - Peter De Vries

"No, he was no such charlatan- Count de Hoboken Flash-in-the-Pan- Full of gasconade and bravado, But a regular, rich Don Rataplane, Santa Claus de la Muscavado, Senor Grandissimo Bastinado! His was the rental of half Havana And all Matanzas; and Santa Ana, Rich as he was, could hardly hold A candle to light the mines of gold Our Cuban owned." - Edmund Clarence Stedman

"Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney." - Meg Ryan



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