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Martini Quotes


"A martini. Shaken, not stirred." - Sean Connery

"I typically have a martini." - Rona Ambrose

"I have either a cucumber martini, gin martini, or a vodka martini. That's it. Simple." - Robert De Niro

"Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either." - P. J. O'Rourke

"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency." - Gerald R Ford

"I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini." - George Burns

"He was white and shaken, like a dry martini." - P G Wodehouse

"Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman." - George Burns

"The martini: the only American invention as perfect as the sonnet." - H L Mencken

"Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without." - Doug Coupland

"A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily." - Daniel Seligman

"Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry." - Johnny Carson

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most." - Dorothy Parker

"Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini..." - Mae West

"How about slipping out of those wet things and into a dry Martini?" - Noel Coward

"A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini." - Jackie Gleason

"'The tea is coming!' ...she may want a martini, but make her drink tea." - Alice Taylor

"If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini." - Eric Stoltz

"One martini is just right. Two martinis are too many. Three martinis are never enough." - M F K Fisher

"One (martini) is all right, two is too many, three is not enough." - James Thurber

"A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily." - Dan Seligman

"You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini." - Mae West

"Bright was the light of my last martini on my moral horizon" - Norman Mailer

"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?" - Robert Benchley

"Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without." - Douglas Coupland

"It was always fun to skate with Paul Wylie and Paul Martini." - Nancy Kerrigan

"A medium Vodka dry Martini - with a slice of lemon peel. Shaken and not stirred." - Ian Fleming

"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough." - James Thurber

"I think I had it in the back of my mind that I wanted to sound like a dry martini." - Paul Desmond

"This is an excellent martini-sort of tastes like it isn't there at all, just a cold cloud." - Herman Wouk

"suffering is as necessary to entertaining as vermouth is to a Martini - a small but vital ingredient." - Phyllis Mcginley

"You can no more keep a Martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there." - Bernard Devoto

"After a match, my opponent goes to the hospital and gets an IV and I have a martini." - Tank Abbott

"My chosen drink would be a Southern Comfort, lime and lemonade, a dry martini or a good red wine." - Nikki Sanderson

"They say that a martini is like a woman's breast. One ain't enough and three is too many." - Chris Gayle

"A woman needs her privacy while drinking a dirty Belvedere martini on the rocks with a splash of Tabasco." - Lake Bell

"I don't get cast as the guy who steps off a yacht in a white linen suit with a martini." - Martin Freeman

"How?" I demanded. "How could you have screwed this one up?" "When I got in, they said the manager was on the phone and would be a few minutes. So, I sat down and ordered a drink." This time, I did lean my forehead against the steering wheel. "What did you order?" "A martini." "A martini." I lifted my head. "You ordered a martini before a job interview." "It's a bar, Sage. I figured they'd be cool with it." - Richelle Mead

"A well-made Martini or Gibson, correctly chilled and nicely served, has been more often my true friend than any two-legged creature." - M F K Fisher

"... all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive." - Tallulah Bankhead

"Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'" - Jimmy Fallon

"I should like to elbow aside the established pieties and raise my martini glass in salute to the mortal arts of pleasure." - Bob Shacochis

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, After four I'm under my host!" - Dorothy Parker

"The chromatic scale is what you use to give the effect of drinking a quinine martini and having an enema simultaneously." - Philip Larkin

"A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy." - Noel Coward

"And I would like a medium Vodka dry Martini - with a slice of lemon peel. Shaken and not stirred, please. I would prefer Russian or Polish vodka." - Ian Fleming

"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?" - Gerald Ford

"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host." - Dorothy Parker

"When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have a second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me." - William Faulkner

"I think I'm probably much better at the boots and pocket knife thing than I am at the high heels and martini thing." - Sarah Wayne Callies

"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?" - Gerald R Ford

"I am prepared to believe that a dry martini slightly impairs the palate, but think what it does for the soul." - Alec Waugh

"A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!" - Henny Youngman

"Adrian ordered a martini, earning disapproving looks from his father and me. "It's barely noon," said Nathan. "I know," said Adrian. "I'm surprised I held out that long too." - Richelle Mead

"We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is 'knowing what your uterus looks like'." - Nora Ephron

"There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin." - Ogden Nash

"Does my hair look alright? Of course, it looks alright. Why am I asking you for? ...We get lunch right? ...Can we get this thing going? I gotta meet my girlfriend for a martini." - Alex Riley

"Why couldn't we put on a defense? I had seventeen witnesses standing outside the door. They just dropped the defense and went on to the penalty phase. Like everything was cut and dry before it went off to martini land." - Charles Manson

"Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'" - Jim Gaffigan

"We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is knowing what your uterus looks like." - Nora Ephron

"Like a brain surgeon who drinks a martini when he's not on call, the successful kids in your school may smoke pot on occasion, but they are not stoners." - Bill O'Reilly

"All the charming and beautiful things, from the Song of Songs, to bouillabaisse, and from the nine Beethoven symphonies to the Martini cocktail, have been given to humanity by men who, when the hour came, turned from tap water to something with color in it, and more in it than mere oxygen and hydrogen." - H L Mencken

"Let us candidly admit that there are shameful blemishes on the American past, of which the worst by far is rum. Nevertheless, we have improved man's lot and enriched his civilization with rye, bourbon and the Martini cocktail. In all history has any other nation done so much?" - Bernard Devoto

"If in the well and truly made martini DeVoto finds "water of life" and the blessing to the spirit, so also DeVoto's The Hour brings to its readers the breath of life and a vision of themselves made generous, indomitable and wise." - Lewis H Lapham

"I'm not out there screaming that women are drinking bourbon, but I think it's a great beverage as an option. I've got nothing against drinking a Cosmo or Martini. It's not like one is judging the other. It's just delicious and slow and steady, and there's something about sipping a bourbon that to me is very relaxing." - Mila Kunis

"You can no more keep a martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there. The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth and one of the shortest-lived." - Bernard Devoto

"You are my Marilyn. You are my lake full of fishes. You are my sky set, my 'Hollywood in Miniature,' my pink Cadillac, my highway, my martini, the stage for my heart to rock and roll on, the screen where my movies light up." - Francesca Lia Block

"I'm definitely an anomaly, but I'm making things. They're selling, say, martinis, and I'm kind of making vintage Riesling. People aren't going to sit there very often, not your average public, and your average music-business monster is not going to take the time to notice the overtones and the undertones inside the flavor. They'd rather just have the martini." - Ben Folds

"Ignatius, for understandable reasons, is the saint I know better than any other. He founded our Order. I'd like to remind you that Carlo Maria Martini also came from that order, someone who is very dear to me and also to you." - Pope Francis

"I am grateful for what I call well-spent moments: Making a tuna fish sandwich with the works. Taking at least a half hour to eat it outside. Ironing my vintage tea towels while watching old black-and-white film noir movies and sipping one martini with extra olives - a quirky combination, but it works." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

"Here's a simple way to abolish golf's elitist and exclusionary image and make it a truly all-American sport: ditch that fifties-Republican-martini-drinker's green Brooks Brothers-style sport jacket and make the winner of the Masters slip on something in, say, black leather with plenty of metal studs." - Bruce Mccall

"Whenever I finish a book, I go off and have some kind of adventure. Having had an adventure in my writing chair or on my writing sofa, an internal adventure, then I need to balance that off with an external adventure, so I'll go tramping through Africa or whitewater rafting or float to Hawaii in a martini shaker or something." - Tom Robbins

"She was smart, tart, dry as a Martini, Ah, but underneath, She was all... heart, something by Puccini, Ah, but underneath, In the depths... of... her interior Were fears... she... was inferior And some... thing... even eerier - But no one dared to query her superior exterior!" - Stephen Sondheim

"We were given drinks, and drank them, and talked while we drank them. But talked, here, is a euphemism: we had that conversation about how you make a Martini. The people in Hell, Dr. Rosenbaum had told me once, say nothing but What? Americans in Hell tell each other how to make Martinis." - Randall Jarrell

"As far I'm concerned, being an adult is way more fun than being a kid. But then I was a kid who wanted to be an adult. I'd watch shows like 'Bewitched' and see Darren come home and mix a martini and I'd go, 'That looks awesome! I want to do that!'" - Paul Feig

"A dry martini,' he said. 'One. In a deep champagne goblet.' ... Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel. Got it?" - Ian Fleming

"When I was a little kid, all I wanted to do was to escape what I thought was the country and get to a city. Probably film and television had influenced me so much, I really thought the key to happiness was living a very artificial life in a penthouse in New York with martini glasses." - Tom Ford

"I bought a piano once because I had the dream of playing As Time Goes By as some girl's leaning on it drinking a martini. Great image. But none of it worked out. I can't even play Chopsticks. But I've got a nice piano at my house!" - George Clooney

"When I talk about my husband, I feel as if people roll their eyes. It's like when you're 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, 'Do you think I'm stupid?'. They can't grasp that I'm old enough to be married." - Megan Fox

"We sit down with the kids every single night, not that I want to every night - sometimes I'd rather be out with my husband having a martini at a swanky restaurant - but we sit down with our kids every night at dinner." - Debi Mazar

"Here are a few of the actors who have brought my novels to TV life: Bill Pullman, Holly Hunter, Frances McDormand, Julian Sands, Gena Rowlands, Rob Lowe, Julia Ormond, Chelsea Hobbs, Tate Donovan, Anne Heche, Max Martini, Campbell Scott, Kimberly Paisley-Williams, Alexa Vega, and the late legends Richard Kiley and Kim Hunter." - Luanne Rice

"If you told me to write a love song tonight, I'd have a lot of trouble. But if you tell me to write a love song about a girl with a red dress who goes into a bar and is on her fifth martini and is falling off her chair, that's a lot easier, and it makes me free to say anything I want." - Stephen Sondheim

"The great thing about working with NPR - and, really, there's like a million of 'em - is all the cool stuff I get to do for the public. Meet the president. Hang out at the National Finals Rodeo in Vegas. Drink a $10,000 martini." - John Ridley

"Society is so tough and expectations are so unrealistic. Could I take better care of myself? Absolutely. I joke all the time that I'm old and I'm getting older and I feel it, so I guess I would rather talk about it with a smile and say, 'Oh God, I'm old!' than spend all my time at the dermatologist. I approach aging with ice cream and a martini." - Jenna Lyons

"Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who's the guy at the country club who makes snide comments, and then passes out. Now this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just completely pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous a$$, but remember this is America, a land where people believe anything they hear." - Bill Maher

"Some of the biggest bores I've ever known are men who have been highly successful in business, particularly self-made heads of big companies. Before the first olive has settled into the first martini, they pour the stories of their lives into the nearest and sometimes the remotest ears capturable.... These men have indeed paid the price of success. To rise to the top of a big company often takes a totality of effort, concentration and dedication. Others, too, have to pay part of the price. Wife and children are out of mind even when in sight...." - Malcolm Forbes

"And there was, in those Ipswich years, for me at least, a raw educational component; though I used to score well in academic tests, I seemed to know very little of how the world worked and was truly grateful for instruction, whether it was how to stroke a backhand, mix a martini, use a wallpaper steamer, or do the Twist. My wife, too, seemed willing to learn. Old as we must have looked to our children, we were still taking lessons, in how to be grown-up." - John Updike

"The definition of happiness being very emotion-oriented - the problem is that there's too many quick and dirty ways to chase that in ways that end up being unhelpful to people. If you just have another martini or even more severe substances. But commercial culture and our media is constantly encouraging us to think that if we feel good we live well. We're only too happy to sell you goods and services from the dancing oivoids and the pill you can take, or the trips or the cars or the clothes or the women that you can get with - whatever that is that will give you the quick route to that." - Steven C. Hayes

"Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say: Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'." - Chip Kidd