Topics: # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Kerry Quotes

RELATED QUOTES

"John Kerry, windsurfing dilettante" - Eleanor Clift

"Kerry Francis Bullmore Packer. Reluctantly." - Kerry Packer

"KERRY: I have had conversations with leaders." - John Kerry

"John Kerry is a sphincter. Okay, that's a bit juvenile." - Jonah Goldberg

"I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty," - John F Kerry

"Once you go Kerry Washington, you can't go back" - Tony Goldwyn

"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty." - John Kerry

"Once you go Kerry Washington, you ca' go back" - Tony Goldwyn

"I think an Edwards-Kerry ticket would be powerful." - John Edwards

"John Kerry couldn't even order a Philly cheesesteak properly." - Rich Lowry

"Senator Kerry was fooled by Bashar al-Assad." - Elliott Abrams

"John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?" - Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'" - Craig Kilborn

"Kerry has already begun his search for a running mate. They say that because John Edwards still has $50 million in campaign money, Kerry might pick him. Pick him? Hey, for $50 million, Kerry will marry him." - Jay Leno

"Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people." - Conan O'Brien

"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for." - David Letterman

"President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'" - Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message." - David Letterman

"Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." - Jay Leno

"This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.'" - Craig Kilborn

"Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math." - Conan O'Brien

"After he married TerRAHsa, didn't John Kerry begin practicing Judiasm? He also has paternal grandparents that were Jewish. What religion is John Kerry?" - Jerome Corsi

"My position is not that John Kerry is either Jesus Christ or the prophet Mohammad. My position is that John Kerry is the possibility of restarting politics." - Todd Gitlin

"Ah, Kerry. You've found your heart. Who is she?" ... "A healer, but she's... gone." - Maria V. Snyder

"Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her." - Chris Rock

"Kerry asks Americans to look at the evidence. Bush asks people to believe." - Ellen Goodman

"Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him." - Jon Stewart

"I have never seen John Kerry give anything but an engineered response." - Michael Parenti

"I think there can be some disagreement as to whether Kerry really won Wisconsin or not." - Scott Mccallum

"John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security." - Zell Miller

"John Kerry was always in front of the camera but not out doing the hard work." - Mitt Romney

"John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded." - Barack Obama

"President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize. Can you imagine that - Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? ... Kerry should have tried the Bush strategy: say so many stupid things, no one cares anymore." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'" - Jay Leno

"John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts." - David Letterman

"Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card." - Craig Kilborn

"It really kind of looks like now that John Kerry is on his way to the presidential nomination. The only thing that can sink John Kerry now is an Al Gore endorsement." - Jay Leno

"Over the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and, I think, Canada. And he's so confident that he's started nailing that intern again." - David Letterman

"The head of the AFL-CIO endorsed John Kerry, saying, 'The time has come to come behind one man, one leader, one candidate.' Then he said, 'And until we find that man, we will endorse John Kerry.'" - Conan O'Brien

"Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can't misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, 'You can't'?" - Jay Leno

"Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'" - Dennis Miller

"Were aligning ourselves with Kerry. Our allegiance will be for peace, against war, no more deaths for oil, and for a dialogue between the government of Spain and the new Kerry administration." - Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero

"Here's some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for president in 2008. Gore and Kerry again! Political experts say it's too early to tell who would lose bigger!" - Jay Leno

"We're aligning ourselves with Kerry. Our allegiance will be for peace, against war, no more deaths for oil, and for a dialogue between the government of Spain and the new Kerry administration." - Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero

"Kerry is saying that Bush never showed up for his national guard duty ... and now Bush is on the attack. He's accusing John Kerry of ducking time in the national guard by hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam." - Jay Leno

"We're aligning ourselves with Kerry. Our allegiance will be for peace, against war, no more deaths for oil, and for a dialogue between the government of Spain and the new Kerry administration." - Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapat

"You've got people who didn't serve with John Kerry saying they did serve with John Kerry in the boat. With George Bush, we can't find anybody who did serve with him." - Mark Shields

"President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers." - Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke." - Jay Leno

"Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts." - Craig Kilborn

"I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal." - David Letterman

"Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry." - Craig Kilborn

"When John Kerry and Zell Miller and George Bush can agree on an issue, you know its got legs." - Phil Bredesen

"Grateful to The Kerry Gaynor Method for saving my manager's life. He quit smoking thanks to their genius Method." - Steve Aoki

"...one is reminded that [John Kerry, D-MA] really just a better-looking Ted Kennedy, a richer Michael Dukakis." - Laura Ingraham

"Let's be honest: Kerry has no idea what it is to be even a middle-class white in this country." - Glenn Reynolds

"Well Kerry, you're 19 and you're a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself." - Mike Gray

"Secretary [John] Kerry has called Civil War [in Syria] an unbelievably small war that we're going to get involved with." - Rand Paul

"Senator Kerry says he sees two Americas. And that makes the whole thing mutual - America sees two John Kerrys." - Dick Cheney

"You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on." - Don Imus

"The thing with Kerry is that all of this is a natural progression, her troubles. It's a cycle." - Laura Innes

"A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else." - John B Keane

"Why couldn't Obama have picked somebody respectable as his running mate, you know, like John Kerry did?" - Ann Coulter

"Senator Kerry voted to undermine the troops in the field, and that is not only inexcusable, it is reprehensible." - John Ensign

"Cricket the world over, I don't think, will ever know how different things would be without Kerry Packer." - Tony Greig

"Senator Kerry says he sees two Americas. It makes the whole thing mutual - America sees two John Kerrys." - Dick Cheney

"If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does." - Ann Coulter

"The fact is that we wouldn't be in Iraq if it weren't for Democrats like Senator Kerry." - Howard Dean

"In 2004, I joined my father, John Kerry, on the trail in his bid for the United States presidency." - Alexandra Kerry

"Kerry Washington is a mentor to me. She is so strong and smart. She's also so giving and supportive." - Katie Lowes

"I think it's less risky for the Kerry campaign to embrace former President Clinton than it is to reject him." - Stuart Rothenberg

"George Bush says what John Kerry did was noble. Yet he sees him being savaged by his own supporters." - Mark Shields

"I don't think that the press in 2004 was any more unfair to Bush than they were to Kerry." - Mark Mckinnon

"I just don't understand how Kerry or Obama or anybody else thought Assad was going to change." - Elliott Abrams

"Senator Kerry has been in Washington long enough to take both sides on just about every issue." - George W Bush

"When John Kerry and Zell Miller and George Bush can agree on an issue, you know it's got legs." - Phil Bredesen

"Your security is not in the hands of Kerry, Bush or al-Qaida. Your security is in your own hands." - Osama Bin Laden

"John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of the news media. Luckily, his hair broke the fall so it's not as serious. ... Thankfully, Senator Kerry was not seriously injured. In fact, when the police arrived, Kerry was well enough to give conflicting reports to the officers about what happened." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move for Senator Kerry. If Bush doesn't show up for the debates, John Kerry may end up debating an empty chair. And that could be pretty much a toss up as to which one has the better personality." - Jay Leno

"Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam." - Jay Leno

"The media, I think, wants Kerry to win.... And I think they're going to portray Kerry and Edwards ... I'm talking about the establishment media, not Fox - but they're going to portray Kerry and Edwards as being young and dynamic and opportunistic and all. There's going to be this glow about them - that's going to be worth maybe 15 points." - Evan Thomas

"There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'" - Craig Kilborn

"'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him." - Conan O'Brien

"John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.'" - Jay Leno

"John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit." - Craig Kilborn

"Kerry was here in Los Angeles. He was courting the Spanish vote by speaking Spanish. And he showed people he could be boring in two languages." - Jay Leno

"President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq." - Craig Kilborn

"John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either." - David Letterman

"John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a politician." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle." - Craig Kilborn

"Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair." - Jay Leno

"Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?" - David Letterman

"President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration." - David Letterman

"One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him beat." - Jay Leno

"According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'" - David Letterman

"I saw some war heroes... John Kerry is not a war hero. He couldn't tie the shoes of some of the people in Coastal Division 11." - John O'Neill

"[Senator] Kerry [democrat MA] is emerging as the worst of all the viable Democratic candidates. He has the backbone of Clinton and the charm of Gore." - Andrew Sullivan

"Personally, I'd rather have pins stuck in my eyes than endure a conversation with John Kerry, but I'd love to hang with Bush." - Andrew Sullivan

"John Kerry gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam in the prison camps took torture to avoid saying." - Paul Galanti

"Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?" - Jon Stewart

"I knew that there were several, among African-American leaders, who had been put out by me because of my failure or reluctance to endorse Sen. Kerry" - Rodney Alexander

"I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americans' expert, 'We live here, I live here, I know what we need to ensure the security of Israel's people.'" - Benjamin Netanyahu

"John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion?" - Jay Leno

"I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americans" expert, "We live here, I live here, I know what we need to ensure the security of Israel's people."" - Benjamin Netanyahu

"John Kerry knows more about more subjects than an awful lot of people. But I think it's a very hard job [Secretary of State]." - Madeleine Albright

"[John Kerry] actually stole my line because when I became Secretary of State, I said, 'I hope my heels will fill Warren Christopher's shoes.' So he reversed that." - Madeleine Albright

"I do think John Kerry has tried awfully hard to work with Russia and others to have a lasting, significant cease-fire." - David Corn

"Does John Kerry have to give them [Iran] every little thing? You'll pass some sanctions for human rights and missiles, and I'll grudgingly sign on." - Hillary Clinton

"I think Hillary Clinton's a very clever politician but she would be too easy to stereotype the way John Kerry was." - Maureen Dowd

"Donald Trump agreed with Hillary Clinton supporting John Kerry. He agreed with Hillary Clinton on being - quote - "neutral" between Israel and the Palestinians." - Ted Cruz

"Speaking of tax fairness, it was Senator Kerry who voted to increase the income tax on senior citizens on Social Security, earning as little as $32,000 a year." - Bill Weld

"I do not know that there is a more certain sound than Senator Kennedy. I cannot imagine a more uncertain sound than Senator Kerry." - Gordon Smith

"I saw some war heroes... John Kerry is not a war hero. He couldn't tie the shoes of some of the people in Coastal Division 11." - John Oneill

"Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call." - Conan O'Brien

"I knew that there were several, among African-American leaders, who had been put out by me because of my failure or reluctance to endorse Sen. Kerry." - Rodney Alexander

"John Kerry didn't out me, nor did he offend or attack me by calling me a lesbian. I certainly couldn't be offended by the truth." - Mary Cheney

"Kerry is an adult - he thinks things through. He learns from the present as well as the past. To George Bush, thinking things through is for sissies." - Richard Dreyfuss

"Pictures can be devastating. Who allowed John Kerry to get himself photographed windsurfing in a flowered swimsuit? Anyone in the real world in that operation?" - Jack Germond

"I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americans' expert, 'We live here, I live here, I know what we need to ensure the security of Israel's people.'" - Benjamin Netanyahu

"I would never say John Kerry would be a great president. I will say that George Bush has divided us; he has filled this country with hatred." - John Mellencamp

"Speaking of tax fairness, it was Senator Kerry who voted to increase the income tax on senior citizens on Social Security, earning as little as $32,000 a year." - William Weld

"I look forward to strengthening the U.S.-U.N. partnership and working closely with Secretary of State Kerry towards our shared goals of peace, development, and human rights." - Ban Kimoon

"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton." - David Letterman

"I think we need people with stronger ideals than John Kerry or Bill Clinton. I think we need people with more courage and vision." - Octavia E Butler

"John Kerry can be absolutely ruthless. I would not want to be on his enemies list when he's ready to go after you." - Douglas Brinkley

"The Kerry campaign was a difficult one to be involved with, it is a real juggling act to set the tone and pace of these things accurately." - Jennifer Granholm

"John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown." - Bill Maher

"Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble." - David Letterman

"The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John Kerry is going to talk about what he likes in a woman, shouldn't it be in Fortune or Money magazine?" - Jay Leno

"The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals away, getting a $1000 haircut, and wearing a 1970s wig known as 'the Leno.' There are really two sides to this story. And America can't wait for Kerry to present both of them." - David Letterman

"John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse." - Conan O'Brien

"They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy in this country, he's not just talking. He's doing it!" - Jay Leno

"John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh-." - Bill Maher

"John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not." - Jay Leno

"Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.'" - Jon Stewart

"The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth disputed whether John Kerry deserved some of his five medals. A large part of Kerry's defense was an appeal to the authority of veterans who supported him-one of whom has now been revealed to have received a medal he doesn't deserve. This doesn't prove the Kerry detractors were right, but it certainly doesn't weaken their case." - James Taranto

"Senator McCain is all for John Kerry. Do you know they're buddies? McCain is in favor of Kerry being secretary of state. Somebody the other day suggested, maybe it was just today, a bipartisan compromise and nominate Colin Powell to be secretary of state again. What would be bipartisan about that? He's not a Republican." - Rush Limbaugh

"During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage." - Conan Obrien

"I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Clinton cost John Kerry more votes than he gained for him whenever they appeared together. Imagine being part of a crowd enraptured by the presence of Bill Clinton, and then having to listen to a speech by John Kerry!" - Pat Sajak

"Nobody has ever denied that when it comes to his trade - gigolo - John Forbes Kerry is one of the all-time greats. He's in the Gigolo Hall of Fame. See, a really good gigolo might snag one heiress in a lifetime with a nine-figure trust fund. Kerry has married two. When it comes to gigolos, he's Steve Jobs." - Howie Carr

"If there was one fact that sent me hurtling off to write 'Politics Lost,' it was when I learned that John Kerry had focus-grouped Abu Ghraib. We knew about the Justice Department memo in June of 2004, and Kerry didn't raise that in any one of his three debates with George Bush." - Joe Klein

"During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage." - Conan O'Brien

"In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war in Iraq, he didn't expect President Bush to 'f- it up as badly as he did.' Here's some breaking news, tomorrow former Vice President Al Gore expected to endorse Howard Dean as the Democratic nominee for president of the United States - and you thought John Kerry was using four letter words before! Actually, to John Kerry, Dean is a four letter word." - Jay Leno

"In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war in Iraq, he didn't expect President Bush to 'f- it up as badly as he did.' Here's some breaking news, tomorrow former Vice President Al Gore expected to endorse Howard Dean as the Democratic nominee for president of the United States - and you thought John Kerry was using four letter words before! Actually, to John Kerry, Dean is a four letter word." - Jay Leno

"On a day when all Americans, regardless of party affiliation, are celebrating the growth of freedom and honoring the sacrifices of American and Iraqi troops with elections in Iraq, it's sad that John Kerry has chosen once again to offer vacillation and defeatism. Even after the first free elections in Iraq in more than 50 years John Kerry still believes Iraq is more of terrorist threat than when the brutal tyrant Saddam Hussein was in power and even more remarkably Kerry is now once again for funding our troops, after being for the funding before he was against it." - Ken Mehlman

"John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican." - David Letterman

"A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace." - Jay Leno

"John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring, will end up stuck in the Senate." - Jay Leno



| NEXT PAGE



RELATED TOPICS

Kerry, John Kerry,