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Jerks Quotes


"Why do women go out with jerks? Because jerks ask." - Zan Perrion

"Do' be friends with jerks." - R. J. Palacio

"Don't be friends with jerks." - R. J. Palacio

"Don't be friends with jerks." - R. J. Palacio

"Men are jerks. Women are psychotic." - Kurt Vonnegut

"Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians." - Homer

"I've dated jerks, so why not geeks?" - Kelly Lebrock

"all skinny guys with beards are jerks" - Randy Quaid

"Almighty Father, please stop making jerks. Amen...Break!" - Tim Dorsey

""Jerks," I muttered. Then I brightened. "Oh, hey. Doughnuts."" - Richelle Mead

"I was surrounded by jerks. I'm not kidding." - J D Salinger

"Advanced life-forms, my seweet patootie. Jerks. Both of them." - James Patterson

"Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks." - Bill Hicks

"The daughters of God don't brake for jerks." - Marianne Williamson

"People should realize we're jerks just like them." - Edward De Bono

"I've had a disproportionate share of interaction with jerks." - Mona Sutphen

"Some people are jerks, and some people aren't." - Kevin Hart

"Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective." - Josh Lieb

"The biggest Russian problem - not all Russian jerks have moved to the US and UK yet." - Evgeni Kostitsyn

"My liberal friends are such a bunch soft-headed, politically correct jerks..." - Jack Germond

"It's about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks!" - Homer

"It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks." - Charlie Chaplin

"Do not tolerate brilliant jerks. The cost to teamwork is too high." - Reed Hastings

"Better to be a jerk that knees than a knee that jerks." - William Safire

"How do you keep people from jerking your chain? Don't give your chain to jerks!" - Bill Crawford

"There are more great guys than jerks, so it's a huge list." - Jeff Pearlman

"I am always the 'good guy,' and I take on the idiotic jerks of the nation." - Wally George

"I don't like characters that are left being jerks at the end of the movie." - Jeremy London

"For some unknown reason, bad-boys draw you in despite the fact that they are jerks." - Alexis Bledel

"I am always the 'good guy', and I take on the idiotic jerks of the nation." - Wally George

"I used to know Madison Avenue advertisers. I didn't like 'em. Bunch of jerks." - James Rosenquist

"Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It's more often a succession of jerks." - Jean Rhys

"On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks." - H Allen Smith

"There are jerks all over Washington. Life is short; being a jerk is just unnecessary." - Mona Sutphen

"We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks." - Bill Watterson

"In a democracy everybody has a right to be represented, including the jerks." - Chris Patten

"In democracy everyone has the right to be represented, even the jerks." - Chris Patten

"Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars." - Warren Buffett

"CEOs can talk and blab each day about culture, but the employees all know who the jerks are. They could name the jerks for you. It's just cultural. People just don't want to do it." - Jack Welch

"There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever." - Lewis Black

"What's success anyway? Is success about making the most money? No, money for the most part turns people into jerks." - Chris Sacca

"The Dauthless have the wierdest slang. Pansycake, there a term for The Candor?" "Of course."Uriah grins."Jerks" - Veronica Roth

"Small jerks began to appear in my legs, my walk became unsteady precisely because I wanted it to be smooth." - Knut Hamsun

"All guys are jerks but they get hotter with age and we learn to be more tolerant." - Kristen Bell

"True success is figuring out your life and career so you never have to be around jerks." - John Waters

"If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes." - Greg Behrendt

"You know, you've got fans and 99.9 percent of them are great-and .1 percent are jerks." - Metta World Peace

"I do what I do for the people who believe in me, not for the jerks who don't." - Terry Fox

"The trick is simply to avoid jerks. There are lots of them out there. Most people are unhappy." - Frederick Lenz

"People seem to think that you should be willing to speak to them whether they're jerks or not." - Martha Plimpton

"There are so many of these young-adult movies with these cold guys who act like jerks to girls but are hiding soft sentiments. But in the real world most guys who act like jerks are jerks. Generally they are. I spent a lot of high school thinking that horrible guys must be very sensitive and interesting and it's not true." - Alice Englert

"If women ran Hollywood, The Hollywood Reporter would have a Men in Entertainment issue every year, and those jerks would have to write something." - Elizabeth Meriwether

"Athletes are American princes and the locker room is their castle. Some of them behave in princely fashion, become legitimate heroes to us all. And some are jerks." - Anna Quindlen

"Even the jerks earn some of our affection. We can be glad they're gone and yet still mourn the good parts." - Shannon Hale

"The real struggle is not between the right and the left but between the party of the thoughtful and the party of the jerks." - Jimmy Wales

"I've always wanted to play a soldier and I'd never taken on a character where I'm the happy-go-lucky protagonist. I've played a lot of jerks recently." - Jesse Mccartney

"That's the problem with having a moral code. We want to destroy the jerkish part of the jerks, but we want to save the human being underneath." - David Levithan

"Yes. Do you know people who are really nice, but when they get together with somebody in particular, they become obnoxious jerks?" - Sheldon Siegel

"Most people assume the fights are going to be the left versus the right, but it always is the reasonable versus the jerks." - Jimmy Wales

"There are 5,000 great people for every jerk on Usenet. But that still is a lot of jerks. Proceed with caution and eyes wide open." - Don Rittner

"I've been really lucky that I've been exposed to a lot of lovely, talented people who are not jerks, and I would like to continue that streak." - Mackenzie Davis

"I've found that the people who play villains are the nicest people in the world and people who play heroes are jerks." - Tim Burton

"Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need - another excuse to be jerks." - Craig Ferguson

"You have one big mythology in your favor: Everyone believes that you Europeans are impeccable. But I know you are jerks." - Fernando Flores

"I am just like all the jerks and idiots you know. I am just a guy that watches sports all day." - Brian Mcknight

"If women ran Hollywood, 'The Hollywood Reporter' would have a 'Men in Entertainment' issue every year, and those jerks would have to write something." - Elizabeth Meriwether

"We are not advertising ourselves as a secure platform. It's a communication platform. It's not our job to police the world or Snapchat of jerks." - Evan Spiegel

"Talk radio around Boston is brutal, and I think that's part of what goes on is that people as they're driving to and from work start listening to these jerks, and I say jerks, because I don't think they know what they're talking about and they're just serving some things up as controversy so they can sell the show to sponsors." - Tom Heinsohn

"Public hangings are teaching moments. Every company has to do it. A teaching moment is worth a thousand CEO speeches. CEOs can talk and blab each day about culture, but the employees all know who the jerks are. They could name the jerks for you. It's just cultural. People just don't want to do it." - Jack Welch

"Suppose hypothetically that one out of every 200 people or so is a jerk. In today's world these jerks will discover that if they enter government or business they can become super rich and powerful jerks. Do we conclude, therefore, that markets (or government) have caused greed? No, the fact is that once we no longer live in tiny tribes of 200, anonymity allows some people, who would have been assholes in a small tribe but who would have been sanctioned there, to go off and become jerks on a much, much larger scale." - Michael Strong

"Raven jerks and stiffens. For a second, I think she is only surprised: Her mouth goes round, her eyes wide. Then she begins teetering backward, and I know that she is dead. Falling, falling, falling . . ." - Lauren Oliver

"Technology, including Zaadz, will allow us to evade the jerks far more than we could before. The technology-based social responsibility movement, broadly construed, will allow us to return to some extent to the moral monitoring of small villages." - Michael Strong

"There are always going to be jerks in the world . . . [but] there are more good people on this earth than bad people, and the good people watch out for each other and take care of each other." - R. J. Palacio

"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks." - Scott Adams

"I said that liberals think people who live in the middle of the country are a bunch of jerks, and obviously all liberals don't think that. But I will tell you what, an awful lot of liberal elites think that." - Bernard Goldberg

"It's hard to know exactly how people develop the characters they do. There could be people from humble beginnings that turn into jerks. Some characteristics are just part of that special soul of that human being." - David Maraniss

"My biggest problem in live games is that I love the game so much and I don't think I ever met a poker player I didn't fundamentally like - even if they're screaming and they're acting like real jerks." - James Woods

"A Poem does not grow by jerks. As trees in Spring produce a new ring of tissue, so does every poet put forth a fresh outlay of stuff at the same season." - Wilfred Owen

"I've learned through experience of playing different characters, some of whom were jerks, that when you play a character who is pretentious or obnoxious, in any way, it's important to knock them down a peg." - Jonah Hill

"Can I tell you what I want? I want to stop wanting things I can't have. I want to stop falling for jerks I don't need. And I want to stop feeling like an f/ing gooey butter cake somebody left out in the rain." - Kate Klise

"If the Police could do a reunion... One of the biggest jerks I ever met was Sting. If he can do it, then anyone can do it. It's not that big a deal. And the Eagles! They did it! They severely hated each other. It's just rock and roll" - Steven Adler

"One day she told me that they'd decided that my gender was divvied into two neat piles-Men and Guys. Basically, all the saints of the world: Men. The jerks, the players, the wet T-shirt contest aficionados? They were Guys." - Gayle Forman

"Sean settles swiftly behind me, and I'm startled by the sudden closeness of him, my back suddenly warm against his chest, the press of his hips on against me. i turn to ask him a question, and he jerks his face away from the proximity of mine. I say, "Oh. Sorry." - Maggie Stiefvater

"Well, if the excitement's over, I think I'll take a bath.' 'Wow. The harsh lifestyle of a succubus. I wish I had your job.' 'Hey, our side's always recruiting. You might need to be a little prettier to be an incubus, though. And a little more charming.' 'Untrue. Mortal women go for jerks. I see it all the time.' 'Touche." - Richelle Mead

"I gave her a smile that I hoped conveyed something like: Hey, you know I'm on your side. Gods are such jerks! But what can you do? Probably my expression actually conveyed: It's not my fault! Please do not kill me!" - Rick Riordan

"Enough, both of you,' Clary said. 'You can't be complete jerks to each other forever, you know.' Technically,' said Simon, 'I can.' Jace made an inelegant noise; after a moment Clary realized that he was trying not to laugh, and only semi-succeeding." - Cassandra Clare

"So what are we supposed to do again, when we hate everything? You stop pretending life is such fun or makes sense. It's often messy and cruel and dull, and we do the best we can. It's unfair, and jerks seem to win. But you fall in love with a few people. Like I love you, Elizabeth. You're the angel God sent me." - Anne Lamott

"In the history of the world many souls have been, are, and will be, and with a little reflection this is marvelous and not depressing. Many jerks are made gloomy about it, for they think quantity buries them alive. That's just crazy. Numbers are very dangerous, but the main thing about them is that they humble your pride. And that's good." - Saul Bellow

"We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should." - Brendon Urie

"I gave her a smile that I hoped conveyed something like: Hey, you know I'm on your side. Gods are such jerks! But what can you do? Probably my expression actually conveyed: It's not my fault! Please do not kill me!" - Rick Riordan

"Can I tell you what I want? I want to stop wanting things I ca' have. I want to stop falling for jerks I do' need. And I want to stop feeling like an f/ing gooey butter cake somebody left out in the rain." - Kate Klise

"I didn't do anything for Russia. I've done nothing for Russia. Hillary Clinton gave them 20 percent of our uranium. Hillary Clinton did a reset, remember? With the stupid plastic button that made us all look like a bunch of jerks. Here, take a look. Lavrov looked at her like, what the hell is she doing with that cheap plastic button?" - Donald Trump

"Sometimes when jerks become Christians, it's like a bully learning karate. Instead of having Christ transform our hearts and attitudes, we now have a new method with which to beat you up....what was once just 'forcing everyone to agree with my opinion' is now 'forcing everyone to agree with my opinion in the name of God." - Jon Acuff

"If the Police could do a reunion... One of the biggest jerks I ever met was Sting. If he can do it, then anyone can do it. It's not that big a deal. And the Eagles! They did it! They severely hated each other. It's just rock and roll." - Steven Adler

"In life you'll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it's because they're stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance... Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself." - Marjane Satrapi

"There are terrible jerks, and there are an unusually large concentration of them in the workplace. And that means that you do have to make some changes in your behavior, but there is absolutely no need for you to give them power over your happiness." - Srikumar Rao

"To keep it simple you run your gym like you run your house. Keep it clean and in good running order. No jerks allowed, members pay on time and if they give you any crap, throw them out. There's peace where there's order." - Joe Gold

"God gave you a brain. Do the best you can with it. And you don't have to be Einstein, but Einstein was mentally tough. He believed what he believed. And he worked out things. And he argued with people who disagreed with him. But I'm sure he didn't call everybody jerks." - Clint Eastwood

"There are those who seem to feel they have no choice about being jerks in the present because they had a crappy childhood. Well, that's the definition of childhood; nobody gets out alive. You either get stronger from what you experience, or you turn it into a crutch, an excuse, a dodge." - J Michael Straczynski

"I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky." - Bill Watterson

"The Internet seems like a safe house for the opposite mentality, for cynics and for jerks and for people who want to lash out. And it's a valid thing. It's a valid forum and I'm not going say that they aren't valid feelings. But it's sad. Considering the potential that something like the Internet, that connects so many people, has for good. I think it's sad that it's used so often for nothing but unfounded, overzealous negativity..." - Chris Gethard

"When the landscape buckles and jerks around, when a dust column of debris rises from the collapse of a block of buildings on bodies that could have been your own, when the staves of history fall awry and the barrel of time bursts apart, some turn to prayer, some to poetry: words in the memory, a stained book carried close to the body, the notebook scribbled by hand-a center of gravity." - Adrienne Rich

"Well, Pa, a woman can change better than a man. A man lives, sort of, well, in jerks. A baby's born or somebody dies and that's a jerk. He gets a farm or loses it and that's a jerk. With a woman, it's all in one flow, like a stream. Little eddies and waterfalls, but the river, it goes right on. A woman looks at it that way." - Nunnally Johnson

"In company with people of your own trade you ordinarily speak of other writers' books. The better the writers the less they will speak about what they have written themselves. Joyce was a very great writer and he would only explain what he was doing to jerks. Other writers that he respected were supposed to be able to know what he was doing by reading it." - Ernest Hemingway

"The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing devision of the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes," - Douglas Adams

"He lifted the arm covering his eyes and turned his head to glare at her. "I knew you were trouble the first time I saw you." "What do you mean, trouble?" She sat up, glaring back at him. "I am not trouble! I'm a very nice person except when I have to deal with jerks!" "You're the worst kind of trouble," he snapped. "You're marrying trouble." - Linda Howard

"I love the sound of a brand-new bottle of coke when you pry the lid off and it starts to fizz. Whenever I hear that sound, I think of roses, and of sitting together with someone you care about and of Romeo and Juliet waking up somewhere and saying to each other, weren't we jerks? And then having all that be over. That's what I think of when I hear the sound of a brand-new bottle of Coke being opened" - Gary D. Schmidt

"The mere mention of the Farakka Express, which jerks its way eastward each day from Delhi to Calcutta, is enough to throw even a seasoned traveller into fits of apoplexy. At a desert encampment on Namibia's Skeleton Coast, a hard-bitten adventurer had downed a peg of local fire-water then told me the tale. Farakka was a ghost train, he said, haunted by ghouls, Thuggees, and thieves. Only a passenger with a death wish would go anywhere near it." - Tahir Shah

"Worship is a meeting at the center so that our lives are centered in God and not lived eccentrically. We worship so that we live in response to and from this center, the living God. Failure to worship consigns us to a life of spasms and jerks, at the mercy of every advertisement, every seduction, every siren. Without worship we live manipulated and manipulating lives. We move in either frightened panic or deluded lethargy as we are, in turn, alarmed by specters and soothed by placebos. If there is no center, there is no circumference." - Edmund Clowney

"Important days don't look like anything special when they start. Invariably, the sun rises and people wake up. Coffee is swilled and eggs are swallowed. Everybody goes about the business of acting like their lives matter and then, no matter how important the events of the day end up being, the sun invariably sets. The sun rose before the soldiers stormed Omaha Beach on D-Day, and the sun set after Archduke Franz Ferdinand was killed. Sunrises and sunsets are real jerks about putting things in perspective." - Josh Lieb

"I cross my arms. "It was a two minute conversation." "I don't think a smaller time frame makes it less unwise." He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips. My head jerks back, but he doesn't take his hand away. Instead he sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better." "Attack first?" I say. "How will that help?" "You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." He shrugs, and his hand falls." - Veronica Roth

"Let the jerks of the world serve as the perfect example of what you don't want to be. You'll be a heck of a lot happier, and in the long run, there's a chance that other person at work will end up asking what your secret is. Why are you the happy one? In other words, don't let your thoughts think you. Besides, if you're really gonna get pissed, don't waste it on your family, friends, or coworkers, save it for something that really matters." - Willie Nelson

"Squatting on old bones and excrement and rusty iron, in a white blaze of heat, a panorama of naked idiots stretches to the horizon. Complete silence - their speech centres are destroyed - except for the crackle of sparks and the popping of singed flesh as they apply electrodes up and down the spine. White smoke of burning flesh hangs in the motionless air. A group of children have tied an idiot to a post with barbed wire and built a fire between his legs and stand watching with bestial curiosity as the flames lick his thighs. His flesh jerks in the fire with insect agony." - William S Burroughs

"What is it about possessing things? Why do we feel the need to own what we love, and why do we become jerks when we do? We've all been there- you want something, to possess it. By possessing something you lose it. You finally win the girl of your dreams, the first thing you do is change her. The little things she does with her hair, the way she wears her clothes or the way she chews her gum. Pretty soon what you like, what you changed, what you don't like, blends together like a watercolor in the rain." - Jeff Melvoin

"It seemed to me that the people who made the rules of the road had figured out everything that would help a person drive safely right down to having a sign that tells you you're passing through a place where deer cross. Somebody should stick up some signs on the highway of life. CAUTION: JERKS CROSSING. Blinking yellow lights when you're about to to something stupid. Stop signs in front of people who could hurt you. Green lights shining when you're doing the right thing. It would make the whole experience easier." - Joan Bauer