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Jerk Quotes


"Hemmingway was a jerk." - Harold Robbins

"Hemingway was a jerk." - Harold Robbins

"I'm not a jerk." - Kevin Hart

"Elections are a Western jerk-off." - John Le Carre

"I jerk off 'til I bust blood." - Cam'ron

"I act like a jerk sometimes." - Bill Murray

"Maybe I am just a jerk." - Dan Harmon

"I became a bit of a jerk. A kind of a nasty jerk." - Kevin Spacey

"Never burn bridges. Today's junior jerk, tomorrow's senior partner." - Sigourney Weaver

"What a snarky jerk. (Obviously, I later slept with him.)" - Lena Dunham

"Kiss the ass of metal, you fucking Jerk-offs!" - George Fisher

"I don't want to be known as a jerk forever." - Sean William Scott

"I don't want to be known as a jerk forever." - Seann William Scott

"My father used to say that if a man fools you once, he's a jerk. If he fools you twice, you're a jerk. Only he didn't use the word "jerk."" - Ellen Goodman

"It's been kind of hard, I'm labeled as a jerk right now, you know what I mean? But I love it. I've been a jerk all my life. My momma loves this jerk. My kids love this jerk. I'm going to be a jerk in a good way, though. I'm going to be a jerk to the other teams and just go out there and play basketball. I can do that." - Stephen Jackson

"Jerk equals narcissist.Narcissists tend to be risk takers. Risk takers happen to do better in general in businesses. So jerk equals narcissist, equals risk taker." - Eric Bolling

"Maybe I am a jerk sometimes. Maybe I'm not. I think most people are kind of a jerk once in a while." - Ryan Adams

"On November 7, 2006, Cafferty called Donald Rumsfeld "an obnoxious jerk and war criminal"." - Jack Cafferty

"I might be a dork, but I don't want to be a jerk." - Tom Delonge

"I've been a jerk on the internet since the internet started." - Martin Shkreli

"When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me." - Andrew Dice Clay

"I could be a real jerk on the days I was pitching." - Bob Gibson

"I pride myself on being a jerk, because I'm brutally honest all the time." - CM Punk

"Now that I'm a client, I understand what a jerk I was." - Jay Chiat

"I always tell it like it is is the long way of saying, I'm a jerk." - Michael Lipsey

"It marries ideas lying wide apart by a sudden jerk of the understanding." - Edwin Percy Whipple

"The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee- pad conservative...." - Edward Abbey

"There's something about a guy who admits he's a jerk that makes him forgiveable." - Lisa McMann

"Better to be a jerk that knees than a knee that jerks." - William Safire

"As soon as you start preaching, nobody wants to hear you because then you're a jerk." - Neil Young

"Donald Trump is not a jerk. He's a friend of ours." - Kellyanne Conway

"You can't be a jerk in order to be a good writer." - Ann Patchett

"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits." - David Hoselton

"The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative." - Edward Abbey

"On November 7, 2006, Cafferty called Donald Rumsfeld an obnoxious jerk and war criminal." - Jack Cafferty

"I hope I'm an integrous person who cleans up their messes when I've been a jerk." - Bonnie Raitt

"What's the difference between tough love and acting like a jerk?" - Ricki Lake

"I'm not afraid to be a jerk or anything and laugh at myself anymore." - Mike Tyson

"I think there's a knee-jerk reaction to things from parents." - Spike Jonze

"For every 10 good things, there's always some jerk that wants to say something bad." - Devon Sawa

"If a guy is over 25 percent jerk, he's in trouble. And Henry was 95 percent." - Lee Iacocca

"There are jerks all over Washington. Life is short; being a jerk is just unnecessary." - Mona Sutphen

"I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else." - Larry David

"People love my collard greens. They love my macaroni and cheese. They love the gumbo. They love my Jamaican jerk or my Jamaican curry chicken. They love the jerk, though. And they love my Mexican food." - Tamala Jones

"It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk." - David Letterman

"Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]" - Terry Pratchett

"Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it." - Chuck Palahniuk

"The Worst part of acting like a jerk isn't when you're doing it. Its when you realize you were." - Pete Wentz

"When you've been hurt, you don't make excuses for the jerk who hurt you. That's his mama's job." - Catherine Anderson

"Counterpart to the knee-jerk liberal is the new knee-pad conservative, always groveling before the rich and the powerful." - Edward Abbey

"I jerk off inside books, and give life to words, leaving concepts stuck together you've probably never heard" - Immortal Technique

"The British press can be so annoying. They jerk you off with one hand and smack you with the other." - Julian Casablancas

"All magic is 'Here's a quarter, now it's gone. You're a jerk. Now it's back. You're an idiot. Show's over.'" - Jerry Seinfeld

"I'm not sure I'm okay with 2 guys gettin' married, but I don't wanna be a jerk about it." - Lizz Winstead

"They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?" - Rodney Dangerfield

"Diplomacy is unfashionable in the world of knee-jerk reaction and the dogmatic sound bite on television." - Douglas Hurd

"A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall." - Demetri Martin

"I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now." - Doug Stanhope

"Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?" - Eugene Mirman

"All magic is 'Here's a quarter, now it's gone. You're a jerk. Now it's back. You're an idiot. Show's over.'" - Jerry Seinfeld

"I will never grow thick skin, so that you don't have to feel bad about being a jerk to me." - Daniel Pearce

"Knee-Jerk Irony: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive matter of course in everyday conversation." - Douglas Coupland

"Sometimes love will pick you up by the short hairs... and jerk the heck out of you." - Denise Dobbs

"Counterpart to the knee-jerk liberal is the new knee-pad conservative, always groveling before the rich and powerful." - Edward Abbey

"If a jerk burns the flag, America is not threatened, democracy is not under siege, freedom is not at risk." - Gary Ackerman

"I could be a jerk and get a lot more publicity, but that's not who I am." - Pete Sampras

"I try not to be a jerk. I really do. I try to be nice and cordial." - Mariah Carey

"When I look back on my knee-jerk reactions now, I realize I should have just taken a breath." - Fred Durst

"I think you need a concrete, real-world metaphor to talk about inner life without feeling like a jerk." - Tift Merritt

"Any jerk can have short-term earnings. You squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, and the company sinks five years later." - Jack Welch

"If everyone really knew what a jerk I am in real life, I wouldn't be so adored in the slightest." - Christian Bale

"I know what it's like to meet someone you admire and have them be a complete jerk." - Nicolas Cage

"It's tough being an actor making music, because even I have a knee-jerk reaction to that." - John Hawkes

"Every day when I get home from work, I feel so frustrated, my boss is a jerk." - Todd Rundgren

"Kiefer Sutherland is a crazy jerk on '24,' but you love him because he gets the job done. And I think that that goes for a lot of action stars, I mean Steven Segal is a jerk, but you want to watch him because, eventually, he's a jerk who can beat up bad people." - Paul Scheer

"People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy a half slug who must tighten his belt." - Robert A Heinlein

"Maybe one of the qualities of being a great coach is being [a jerk]. There are quite a few of them around." - Larry Robinson

"Knee-jerk liberals and all the certified saints of sanctified humanism are quick to condemn this great and much-maligned Transylvanian statesman." - William F Buckley Jr

"All broken hearts are circumstantial. Every lovelorn jerk is the victim of bad timing, good intentions, and someone else's poor decision making." - Joshua Ferris

"I just think I have always had a good attitude about everything and never got ahead of myself. No one wants to work with a jerk." - Amy Weber

"All broken hearts are circumstantial. Every lovelorn jerk is the victim of bad timing, good intentions, and someone else's poor decision making." - Joshua Ferris

"My father had to go to work, I used to think he was a jerk. I didn't know his heart was broken, and not another word was spoken." - Madonna Ciccone

"All broken hearts are circumstantial. Every lovelorn jerk is the victim of bad timing, good intentions, and someone else's poor decision making." - Joshua Ferris

"There are 5,000 great people for every jerk on Usenet. But that still is a lot of jerks. Proceed with caution and eyes wide open." - Don Rittner

"Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are." - Kurt Vonnegut

"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing." - Ian Shoales

"If I'm going to follow a god, why would I want to follow a god of my creation? That would be an alcoholic idiot nitwit jerk god!" - Willie Aames

"That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity." - Bill Maher

"What is known can't jerk us around unwittingly. Before anything can be resolved, the implicit must be made into the explicit." - Ryan Holiday

"Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk." - Greg Behrendt

"Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of." - Greg Behrendt

"My knee-jerk is that it is comedy and, if you watch them all back-to-back, you will gain something and you will lose something." - Mitchell Hurwitz

"I almost did the knee-jerk thing of saying Judge Judy is funny to me, but I just don't have the patience for the format of that show." - Doug Benson

"It is amazing how the truth is just out there or what somebody's actually said, and you have your little knee-jerk reactions." - Rush Limbaugh

"I've made it a point here that I'm not going to knee-jerk react to anything, and especially before [Donald] Trump is inaugurated." - Rush Limbaugh

"People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk." - Rob Huebel

"[I like to cook] Shepherd's pie, which is a classic British dish. But my version reflects my Jamaican roots, because I add jerk to it as well." - Naomie Harris

"As I've gotten older, I've realized that things are a lot more permeable. It's not so black and white: not every journalist is a jerk." - Kathleen Hanna

"Be respectful to your peers and yourself, of course. Don't be a jerk. But at the same time don't settle for anything less than yourself." - Christina Grimmie

"I'm human and I've played my butt off for ten years. I'm not a loafer, I'm not a jerk, I'm a baseball player." - Reggie Jackson

"There's always a high school jerk, isn't there? But I didn't date much in high school, because I went to an all-girls' private school for ten years." - Emmanuelle Vaugier

"There's nothing more distasteful than an academic having to, like, trot out his credentials. You really come off as a jerk when you do that." - Reza Aslan

"My dad was a great movie companion. He wouldn't diminish 'The Jerk.' If I liked it, he liked it. He could see it through my eyes." - Noah Baumbach

"I try to stay in line and not be a jerk. I've always been conscious that if I really screw up, people might notice." - Amanda Hearst

"It never made sense to me that someone would achieve any kind of success in show business, only to become a jerk." - Josh Radnor

"If I'd had a great level of success early on, who knows how I would have responded. I might have been a complete jerk." - Steve Carell

"I want to be a jerk like the rest of my friends, and have fun, and not care about the consequences, but I just can't now." - Leonardo Dicaprio

"In minority communities there's a sensitivity, often a knee-jerk reaction, to critical representations. There's a misunderstanding of what an artist does." - Junot Diaz

"People think: 'If this photographer's looking like a big jerk-off, maybe it's okay if I do.' I like to catch my subjects off balance a bit." - Mick Rock

"Having been bullied growing up, it's something that's really near and dear to my heart. You probably won't have many friends on Snapchat if you're being a jerk." - Evan Spiegel

"I felt there's a wealth in Jewish tradition, a great inheritance. I'd be a jerk not to take advantage of it." - Herman Wouk

"I fall in love with characters when they're out of their element or are uncomfortable and you really feel for them in a knee-jerk sympathetic way." - Anna Kendrick

"I must of woke up this morning with a bug up my ass, I think I'll just haul off and belt the next jerk that I pass." - Todd Rundgren

"I'm not a knee-jerk conservative. I passionately believe in free markets and less government, but not to the point of being a libertarian." - Rupert Murdoch

"I think I've had very knee-jerk emotional reactions to things, and sometimes I've said things without thinking. Being overly emotional clouded my judgment." - Benedict Cumberbatch

"Was it possible I'd labeled him incorrectly? Shallow jocksdidn't overcome adversity and accomplish the things Leif had. I'd labeled him, not even knowing him. Just because girls went gaga over him andevery boy wanted to be him didn't make him a jerk. The only jerk in the room happened to be the judgmental, elitist female. Me." - Abbi Glines

"If you come to fame not understanding who you are, it will define who you are. It shouldn't change you. If you're a jerk, you just get to be a bigger jerk. What fame does is magnify who you are and puts that on a platter for the whole world to see." - Oprah Winfrey

"My demons talk to me in profanity. They think I'm a jerk. A bum. And an asshole. I just say 'they're a jerk,' 'they're a bum,' 'they're an asshole.' They're no good. They better leave me alone and get off my case." - Wesley Willis

"You have to be courageous in life to allow a lightness to engage your being. It is easy to be a jerk. To be unhappy with all this weird stuff around us just seems to me to be such a waste. That's a jerk." - Frederick Lenz

"I'm not religious, but by nature I am spiritual. I'm an artist, and creativity seems to go hand in hand with spirituality. But I have a knee-jerk reaction against organized religions. Actually, I have knee-jerk reactions against anything that's organized." - Nikki Sixx

"I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens." - Jim Jefferies

"I want to give you back your first kiss, the one that jerk stole from you. And I want it to be something that even a coma can't make you forget." - Shelly Crane

"Realize the complicated specials of what we call the "inferiority complex." In other words, what, Miss Thing, is so damn special about you to make you feel so specially inferior to any other jerk?" - Perry Brass

"So much could go wrong on a date. What if he turns out to be a jerk? [You need] A back-up plan, just in case he doesn't work out, you can move on to the back-up plan." - Taraji P Henson

"It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. Who doesn't want to get to act like a jerk or a douche, every now and then?" - Rob Riggle

"Dissent is morally neutral. You can correctly call yourself a dissident because you like to kick puppies, but at the end of the day, you're just a jerk who likes to kick puppies." - Jonah Goldberg

"I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later." - Zach Braff

"Last, but not least - in fact, this is most important - you need a happy ending. However, if you can create tragic situations and jerk a few tears before the happy ending, it will work much better." - Satyajit Ray

"Success is not about money and power. Real success is about relationships. There's no point in making $50 million a year if your teenager thinks you're a jerk and you spend no time with your wife." - Christopher Reeve

"I think that it is real important for someone to be really honest and open emotionally. I'm really an emotional person. If I'm that way and the guy isn't that way I just really feel like a jerk." - Molly Ringwald

"I'll get cast occasionally as sort of the jerk version of myself, and I have fun doing that. But it's really better for everyone if I stay behind the camera." - Aaron Sorkin

"When I say something funny, I do' laugh, so my friends are always like, "Hahahahaaaa!" so people know. When I'm not with them, I always think, This person does' know I'm funny; they just think I'm a jerk." - Blake Lively

"I don't need some jerk like Romney, Santorum, Obama, Bush, Clinton or the rest of them telling me that they're my leaders. They couldn't lead me across the street." - Gerald Celente

"I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into somebody. "Oh, she knows..." You got to take some time alone to process the shame." - Louis C K

"revolution is man's normal activity, and if he is wise he will grade it slowly so that it may be almost imperceptible - otherwise it will jerk in fits and starts and cause discomfort ..." - Freya Stark

"Don't be a jerk. Try to love everyone. Give more than you take. And do it despite the fact that you only really like about seven out of 500 people." - Judd Apatow

"I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me." - Jack Handey

"I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'" - George Carlin

"The student's job is to stay open-minded, to quell the knee-jerk defensiveness we all possess in the face of suggestions for improvement, and to maintain patience when faced with a process that is often slow, confusing, and frustrating." - Renee Fleming

"The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love." - Ian Shoales

"When I say something funny, I don't laugh, so my friends are always like, 'Hahahahaaaa!' so people know. When I'm not with them, I always think, This person doesn't know I'm funny; they just think I'm a jerk." - Blake Lively

"I try not to eat too much fast food but still go for hot wings occasionally. As I get older, I have to pay more attention to my diet. My favorite food is jerk pork." - Usain Bolt

"Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere." - Bill Burr

"I have tons of tunes, maybe 30 tunes that I still think are great, and only because some jerk at a record company didn't think it was great, it's not out there." - Terry Bozzio

"Tony Bennett said to me, "Wow, your talent is amazing." Maybe he's a bore, maybe he's a jerk, but when he said that to me, I didn't need anything more than that." - Elaine Stritch

"Like a jerk, I went to a nutritionist and I ate the most repulsive, awful things. I didn't allow myself to eat chocolate cake and french fries and cheeseburgers." - Sally Field

"You asking me the way? Yes, I said, since I can't find it myself. Give it up! Give it up! said he, and turned with a sudden jerk, like someone who wants to be alone with his laughter." - Franz Kafka

"I feel sad that we have allowed these knee-jerk feminists who want to act like it's a struggle against men...but again that's the least politically developed strand of feminism." - Bell Hooks

"You can't go into the office and be a jerk. You can't yell at your kids or your wife or your husband for no reason. That makes you a terrible person." - Chuck Klosterman

"Most of my stuff before CSI was kind of the jerk boyfriend, so I thought this was one of those deals, where these two have a thing going on, so we had a scene where they make out." - George Eads



Jerk, Jerk Boyfriend, Knee Jerk Reactions,