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Jeeves Quotes


"I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves" - P G Wodehouse

"There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, Do trousers matter?' 'The mood will pass, sir." - P G Wodehouse

"There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'" "The mood will pass, sir." - P G Wodehouse

"I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself." - P G Wodehouse

"There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action." - P G Wodehouse

"I charged into something which might have been a tree, but was not-being, in point of fact, Jeeves." - P G Wodehouse

"Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit." "Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction." - P G Wodehouse

"Ask Jeeves! Who ever used that thing? College freshmen to find out who Goethe was - that's it." - Walter Kirn

"-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter" - P G Wodehouse

"You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz." - P G Wodehouse

"Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same." - P G Wodehouse

"One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room." - P G Wodehouse

"Jeeves lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad." - P G Wodehouse

"Yes, sir,' said Jeeves in a low, cold voice, as if he had been bitten in the leg by a personal friend." - P G Wodehouse

"We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity." - P G Wodehouse

"I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves, I said, but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?" - P G Wodehouse

"I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat." - P G Wodehouse

"Jeeves, I said, and I am free to admit that in my emotion I bleated like a lamb drawing itself to the attention of the parent sheep, what the dickens is all this?" - P G Wodehouse

"I started back to the house, and in the drive I met Jeeves. He was at the wheel of Stiffy's car. Beside him, looking like a Scotch elder rebuking sin, was the dog Bartholomew." - P G Wodehouse

"I don't know if I've ever derived such an immediate sense of calm and well-being from any book as I did from 'Right Ho, Jeeves.' It was like I was Pac-Man and the book was a power-up." - Lev Grossman

"I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg." - Scott Adams

"Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.' Yes, sir?' Is it really a frost?' A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.' But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.' Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.' He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.' I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir." - P G Wodehouse

"It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet." - P G Wodehouse

"Bertie," he said, "I want your advice." "Carry on." "At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old [prat], aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course." "No, no, I see that." "What I wish you to do is put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests." - P G Wodehouse

"I suppose even Dictators have their chummy moments, when they put their feet up and relax with the boys, but it was plain from the outset that if Roderick Spode had a sunnier side, he had not come with any idea of exhibiting it now. His manner was curt. One sensed the absence of the bonhomous note. ... Here he laid a hand on my shoulder, and I can't remember when I have experienced anything more unpleasant. Apart from what Jeeves would have called the symbolism of the action, he had a grip like the bite of a horse. "Did you say 'Oh yes?'" he asked. "Oh no," I assured him." - P G Wodehouse