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Jailhouse Lawyer Quotes


"The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies... I'm not really a lawyer." - Tina Fey

"The king of the jailhouse and the queen of the road think sharing the burden will lighten the load." - Aimee Mann

"Without really trying to, I've become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships - someone who's had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours." - Tracy Mcmillan

"Lawyer even sounds like liar." - Walter Mosley

"I'm an old trial lawyer." - Patrick Leahy

"My father was a lawyer." - Pat Robertson

"I'm a hard headed lawyer." - Eric Holder

"I am not an accomplished lawyer." - Abraham Lincoln

"Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission." - Ambrose Bierce

"Don't misinform your Doctor nor your Lawyer." - Benjamin Franklin

"Got a budget for the lawyer though." - Rick Ross

"Buy a friend; hire a lawyer." - Jane Bryant Quinn

"U.S.-China relations doesn't need another lawyer." - Abigail Washburn

"I always wanted to play a lawyer." - Billy Bob Thornton

"Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer." - Proverbs

"Deceive not thy physitian, confessor, nor lawyer." - George Herbert

"A good lawyer is a bad neighbor." - Proverbs

"Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Deceive not thy physician, confessor, nor lawyer." - George Herbert

"Make crime pay. Become a lawyer." - Will Rogers

"The good lawyer is the great salesman." - Janet Reno

"My grandfather was a lawyer, my dad was a lawyer, my mum was a lawyer, I got an uncle who's a lawyer, I got cousins that are lawyers." - Benicio Del Toro

"A good lawyer is a bad Christian." - John Lothrop Motley

"I was a pretty terrible lawyer. A really, really terrible lawyer." - Elizabeth Strout

"I played a lawyer in a movie so many times I think I am a lawyer. And clearly I'm not a lawyer, because I got arrested." - Reese Witherspoon

"I was a lawyer and I have been married to a lawyer. I think one lawyer per household is plenty. It's a good quota for us." - Kellyanne Conway

"I wanted to be a lawyer. I realized I don't really want to be a lawyer. I want to play a lawyer. Thank God I figured that out." - Ashley Greene

"I played a lawyer in a movie, so, many times I think I am a lawyer. And clearly I'm not a lawyer, because I got arrested." - Reese Witherspoon

"I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!" - Larry David

"Courage is the most important attribute of a lawyer." - Robert Kennedy

"Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?" - Carl Sandburg

"Painting is like being a lawyer and attacking a corporation." - John Currin

"A divorce lawyer is a chameleon with a law book." - Marvin Mitchelson

"Liar, lawyer, mirror show me. What's the difference?" - Maynard James Keenan

"The kind of lawyer you hope the other fellow has." - Raymond Chandler

"Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!" - Robin Williams

"You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer." - Groucho Marx

"Obviously Im a lawyer; I like to have cases." - David Boies

"From the physician and lawyer keep not the truth hidden." - John Florio

"Is the challenge to every lawyer and judge in America...." - Warren E Burger

"No lawyer can afford to be ignorant of the Bible." - Rufus Choate

"What do you know about music? You're not a lawyer." - John Lurie

"Inside every lawyer is the wreck of a poet." - Clarence Darrow

"Liar, lawyer, mirror show me. What's the difference?" - Maynard James Keenan

"I'm a lawyer. I make lawyers for a living." - Lawrence Lessig

"I love being a lawyer more than I like writing." - David Shapiro

"Don't try to lawyer me out of common sense." - Jean-Louis Gassee

"Liar, n. A lawyer with a roving commission." - Ambrose Bierce

"LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law." - Ambrose Bierce

"You are a most excellent lawyer, for a dead man." - Lois Mcmaster Bujold

"Lawyer - One skilled in the circumvention of the law." - Ambrose Bierce

"Discipline is part of my professional training as a lawyer." - Mohamed Elbaradei

"He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides." - Charles Lamb

"A lawyer who does not know men is handicapped." - William Dunbar

"Kinsey was never a lawyer. She's strictly blue collar." - Sue Grafton

"Obviously I'm a lawyer; I like to have cases." - David Boies

"I'm a lawyer who, on occasion, represents celebrities." - Robert Shapiro

"They don't need a lawyer, they need a toastmaster." - Edward Bennett Williams

"Incidentally, Boies, I'm sure, is a very fine lawyer." - Vincent Bugliosi

"I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer." - Oliver North

"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." - Evelle J. Younger

"When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer." - W C Fields

"Ive always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. Hes retired now. My brother is a lawyer." - Scott Bakula

"I've always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. He's retired now. My brother is a lawyer." - Scott Bakula

"Each investigation team has a lawyer attached to it and there was a lawyer attached to me and my assistant." - Tony Greig

"Like a lawyer, the human brain wants victory, not truth; and, like a lawyer, it is sometimes more admirable for skill than virtue." - Robert Wright

"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer." - Gracie Allen

"If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?" - George Carlin

"I had to decide whether I would be a lawyer by profession and a revolutionary at intervals, or a revolutionary by profession and a lawyer at intervals." - Eleftherios Venizelos

"Why is there always a secret singing When a lawyer cashes in? Why does a hearse horse snicker Hauling a lawyer away?" - Carl Sandburg

"Every peasant has a lawyer inside of him, just as every lawyer, no matter how urbane he may be, carries a peasant within himself." - Miguel De Unamuno

"New York state ethics rules prohibit lawyers from soliciting gifts from clients 'for the benefit of the lawyer or a person related to the lawyer.'" - Bill Dedman

"My uncle's a lawyer and I remember going to see him in court and thinking, 'That's cool, too bad I could never be a lawyer.'" - Lena Dunham

"Well, you know, one lawyer says I'm the only witness and I'm not credible. Another lawyer says this witness - there's tons of evidence that's been available for years." - Patty Hearst

"So that in 1974, when I graduated as a lawyer, I figured I'm not going to be a lawyer under a military regime." - Ruben Blades

"I've always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. He's retired now. My brother is a lawyer. It's always been easy, the legalese." - Scott Bakula

"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer." - A Whitney Brown

"Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?" - George Carlin

"The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother." - W C Fields

"I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters." - John Keats

"to speak as black, female, and commercial lawyer has rendered me simultaneously universal, trendy, and marginal." - Patricia J. Williams

"I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job." - Tucker Max

"As a lawyer I am before and above all things for the supremacy of law." - John Coleridge, 1st Baron Coleridge

"I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character." - Woodrow Wilson

"A judge can manipulate the law. A smart lawyer can keep a killer out of jail." - Mario Cuomo

"I do not deal with subtleties; I am only a lawyer." - F. E. Smith, 1st Earl of Birkenhead

"From your confessor, lawyer and physician, Hide not your case on no condition." - John Harington (inventor)

"A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief."" - Franz Kafka

"A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools." - Thomas Jefferson

"I don't believe man is woman's natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is." - Shana Alexander

"The trial lawyer does what Socrates was executed for: making the worse argument appear the stronger." - Irving Kaufman

"A lawyer is a man who helps you get what is coming to him." - Laurence J Peter

"Dylan Jerome," the lawyer admits, "wanted to sue God for not caring enough about him." - Jodi Picoult

"Only a very foolish lawyer will dare guess the outcome of a jury trial." - Jerome Frank

"A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch." - Mark Twain

"Then 'tis like the breath of an unfee'd lawyer - you gave me nothing for't." - William Shakespeare

"I wanted to be a lawyer. I love that job; I dont know why." - Louis Garrel

"... the true function of a lawyer was to unite parties driven asunder." - Mahatma Gandhi

"I love my lawyer. I have to say that of course!" - Catherine Zeta-Jones

"International law? I better call my lawyer; he didn't bring that up to me." - George W Bush

"People who cost too much: manager, lawyer, publicist, label, music publisher." - Roger Mcnamee

"A little lawyer on the tube, he said, its so easy now, anyone can sue." - Joni Mitchell

"Modernity has replaced ethics with legalese, and the law can be gamed with a good lawyer." - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

"Choose your agent as carefully as you would choose your accountant or lawyer. Or dentist." - Russell Banks

"You know, there must be happiness somewhere, when a lawyer dies." - J P Donleavy

"A lawyer is either a social engineer or he is a parasite on society." - Charles Hamilton Houston

"Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met." - Erma Bombeck

"As a lawyer, as a private citizen, you see a lot of injustice." - David Baldacci

"If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer - not a book." - Fran Lebowitz

"As a lawyer you never speak with emotion. It's about the precise facts." - Kirsten Gillibrand

"Immanuel Kant would've made a lousy lawyer, but a great judge!" - Stephen Gillers

"A lawyer is just like an attack dog, only without a conscience." - Tom Clancy

"As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man." - Abraham Lincoln

"I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles." - Johnny Carson

"As a public interest lawyer, your fund of injustice will never be empty." - Ralph Nader

"As a private lawyer, I could bill $750 an hour, but I don't." - Jay Sekulow

"You are telling me that your lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?" - Kevin Hearne

"If I was a lawyer, I'd be my own best client." - Robert Downey Jr

"The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer." - Mark Twain

"Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom." - Felipe Esparza

"I do' believe man is woman's natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is." - Shana Alexander

"I want to be an entertainment lawyer so I'll be in the business still." - Charice Pempengco

"Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass." - Kevin Hearne

"What I need is a lawyer who specializes in the law of the jungle." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"I can't think of a more potent combination than God and a good lawyer." - Abigail Van Buren

"I'm better at being a lawyer than I am at being a writer." - David Shapiro

"I don't think being a lawyer is more or less valuable than being a writer." - Emily Gould

"Each lawyer makes somebody unhappy either by beating him, embarrassing him or tying him in knots." - F Lee Bailey

"I had no plans to be ever a lawyer, a crime fighter [in school]." - Nancy Grace

"As a lawyer, I hate to use the "on the one hand, but the other"." - Rudy Giuliani

"Lawyer - One who protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation." - H L Mencken

"To be a great lawyer, I must give up my chance of being a great man." - Benjamin Disraeli

"A lawyer is one who protects you against robbers by taking away the temptation." - H L Mencken

"A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client." - Proverbs

"I'm not a potted plant... I'm here as the lawyer. That's my job." - Brendan V. Sullivan, Jr.

"God works a wonder now and then, He thought a lawyer was an honest man." - Anonymous

"Lookit that, he said. A lawyer who knows how to do something useful. That's a miracle." - Orson Scott Card

"You want the unvarnished and ungarnished truth, and I'm no hand for that. I'm a lawyer." - Mary Roberts Rinehart

"But the mere truth won't do. You must have a lawyer." - Charles Dickens

""What is the most beautiful word in the language?" The elderly lawyer quickly replied: "Home."" - Chauncey Depew

"Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation." - H L Mencken

"I think too much of the music industry is for the lawyer and accountant mentality." - Chuck D

"Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial." - Frank Dane

"The events of the day inspired me to become a lawyer." - Christopher Darden

"Boulez seemed to me to be a guy who wrote laws. Like a company lawyer." - Luc Ferrari

"I was a trial lawyer when I was elected to Congress." - Geraldine Ferraro

"I wanted to be a lawyer. I love that job; I don't know why." - Louis Garrel

"I'm a movie star. Can I talk to my entertainment lawyer?" - Natasha Lyonne

"There are few things in life worse than a long-winded lawyer." - John Grisham

"I don't believe man is a woman's natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is." - Shana Alexander



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