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Jackass Quotes

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"And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass." - Eoin Colfer

"Any jackass can talk about bombing Iran." - Chris Matthews

"Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish irresponsible fool!" - Stephenie Meyer

"More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!" - Chuck Palahniuk

"Jackass millionaires, hey, hey, Hollywood, here we come." - Brad Paisley

"Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas." - James Joyce

"Did you ever know that you're a jackass?" - Chris Jericho

"Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass." - Mark Twain

"Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass...but you just pushed my jackass button." - Bill Engvall

"Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass... but you just pushed my jackass button." - Bill Engvall

"Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one." - Lyndon B Johnson

"The look of success, when it is worn a certain way, would infuriate a jackass." - Albert Camus

"Because a jackass brays doesn't mean you have to take it to heart." - Jeanne Phillips

"Just because a jackass brays does not mean you have to pay attention." - Jeanne Phillips

"I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown." - Nick Offerman

"Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer." - Brene Brown

"Air ye deaf, lass?" I think. He might have called me a hairy jackass" - Karen Marie Moning

"Take your patience pill...You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass." - Michael Nutter

"Take your patience pill ...You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass." - Michael Nutter

"Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one." - Sam Rayburn

"A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one." - Sam Rayburn

"Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome," - Rachel Caine

"A pack of jackasses led by a lion is superior to a pack of lions led by a jackass." - George Washington

"You treat me like a dog and you expect me to smile? You remind me of a jackass." - Stone Cold Steve Austin

"You stupid jackass," Ian said. "Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?" - Stephenie Meyer

"How about this?" I said, because now it was the principle of the thing. "I'm sorry, jackass." - Rosemary Clement-Moore

"Jessica: "You great drunken jackass!" Dain: "I did not give you leave to use my Christian name." - Loretta Chase

"A woman needs two animals - the horse of her dreams and a jackass to pay for it." - Anonymous

"A man may be born a jackass; but it is his business if he makes himself a double one." - Martin H Fischer

"An artist is like a woman who can do nothing but love, and who succumbs to every stray male jackass." - Heinrich Böll

"A jackass has that kind of strength, and puts it to a useful purpose, and is valuable to the world because he is a jackass; but anobleman is not valuable because he is a jackass. It is a mixture that is always ineffectual, and should never have been attempted in the first place. And yet, once you start a mistake, the trouble is done and you never know what is going to come of it." - Mark Twain

"The women take so little stock In what I do or say They'd sooner leave their cosseting To hear a jackass bray...." - William Butler Yeats

"I have learned that one of the most important rules in politics is poise - which means looking like an owl after you have behaved like a jackass." - Ronald Reagan

"That's where I'm comfortable - playing a jackass on the scene, rolling in with my pocket watch and my buffoon hairdo, with my shoes." - Alan Tudyk

"Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother." - H L Mencken

"You look like a Goth factory exploded all over you!" he called as she ran down the hall. "Love you, too, jackass!" - Rachel Caine

"My proudest moment was when I was in high school, some jackass tried to give me a wedgy. I came prepared, I went commando. It tickled." - Jared Leto

"But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first." - Cheryl Strayed

"All work and no play may make Jim a dull boy, but no work and all play makes Jim all kinds of a jackass." - William Randolph Hearst

"When wine drinkers tell me they taste notes of cherries, tobacco and rose petals, usually all I can detect is a whole lot of jackass." - Joel Stein

"I always tell people, don't worry about the haters, you are not a jackass whisperer. You have to be enough. You have to be your own validation." - Jane Park

"Man 1: Where are you from? Man 2: From a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions. Man 1: Okay, where are you from, jackass?" - Anonymous

"The perfect tattoo... the one I believe we are all struggling toward... is the one that turned the jackass into a zebra." - Cliff Raven

"When you call upon a Thoroughbred, he gives you all the speed, strength of heart and sinew in him. When you call on a jackass, he kicks." - Patricia Neal

"I once told Nixon that the Presidency is like being a jackass caught in a hail storm. You've got to just stand there and take it." - Lyndon B Johnson

"Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it." - Lyndon B Johnson

"Moi?" He put his hand over his heart and did his best wounded-innocent look. "You must be thinking of some other uncouth jackass. Which makes me jealous, by the way." - Rachel Caine

"Jackass: The Movie is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body." - Matthew Barney

"No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives." - Cheryl Strayed

"I guess it's true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches." "That's atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches." - Cassandra Clare

"You jackass. We're all going to die here. You know that, right?' Harrier said. Yeah," Eugens said shakily. '...Guess I might as well die here with you as out on the desert with a bunch of other jackasses." - Mercedes Lackey

"Sagebrush is a very fair fuel, but as a vegetable it is a distinguished failure. Nothing can abide the taste of it but the jackass and his illegitimate child the mule." - Mark Twain

"According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind." - Conan O'Brien

"Jackass: The Movie is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body" - Matthew Barney

"When people say that animal rescuers are crazy, what they really mean is that animal rescuers share a number of fundamental beliefs that makes them easy to marginalize. Among those is the belief that Rene Descartes was a jackass." - Steven Kotler

"On an otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American Dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window." - Larry Correia

"I made some friends for life, the way I usually make them. Any jackass can be pleasant company, but if people help you when you're at your worst, that's a friend." - Rick Bragg

"I felt like people really do their best work when they're having a really good time and feel safe to push the envelope and make a jackass out of themselves." - Clark Gregg

"I don't like to do anything that's mean spirited just because I don't find it funny. I'd rather be the jackass than makes fun of somebody else. It just seems too cheap and easy." - Melissa Mccarthy

"[He] was always here to offer cups of good clear Walden Pond, or shout down the deep well of Shakespeare and listen, with satisfaction, for echoes. Here the lion and the hartebeest lay together, here the jackass became a unicorn." - Ray Bradbury

"I guess it's true what they say," observed Jace. "There are no straight men in the trenches." "That's atheists, jackass," said Simon furiously. "There are no atheists in the trenches." - Cassandra Clare

"'Jackass: The Movie' is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I'm really interested in. Its relationship to gravity, and how gravity acts on the body." - Matthew Barney

"Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything." - Paris Hilton

"It was only then I realized I didn't know the name of Elodin's class. I leafed through the ledger until I spotted Elodin's name, then ran my finger back to where the title of the class was listed in fresh dark ink: "Introduction to Not Being a Stupid Jackass." I sighed and penned my name in the single blank space beneath." - Patrick Rothfuss

"What an honor that Stephen Prouty got nominated for best makeup and hairstyling for 'Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa'. Am I as stunned as everyone else we didn't get the nod for best picture? Well of course, duh, but I won't let that take away from my happiness for Steve, Tony Gardner, and our whole makeup team. Wahoo!" - Johnny Knoxville

"I was so paranoid that my friends wouldn't like me. I went to a very small school where the consequences of bullying were very real. You couldn't just push some nameless face in the hallway because everybody knew each other's families, so there wasn't the obligatory psychotic jackass that tortured everybody." - Kristen Bell

"To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It's cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show." - Greg Gutfeld

"What happens when someone throws you against a wall or tells you you're a jackass or puts you down or calls you bad names? It goes into your body. We hold it in our body. If we don't have a way to let that go and release that, it becomes sickness eventually." - Eve Ensler

"I feel it's important to point out that I've earned my humility by being a jackass - like, I trip and fall on my face and say, "Oh, right. Don't think you're a big shot, because you've got a bloody nose now." So it's hard to say." - Nick Offerman

"To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them." - Louis C K

"Because orgasmic sex would lead to women's autonomy, knowing who you are and what we want: Women are not going to follow what some jackass tells us we must do. Not all women are going to get married, be monogamous and raise a family. It will destroy the current social structure based on a sexual double standard that we're currently living under." - Betty Dodson

"But who is this who rides in silver white Attire that shames the stars across the night? Helmet and shield and corselet all a-gleam, Like some crusader from a drifting dream Upon a prancing jackass shod with flame- Rise, heralds of the past, bray forth his name" - Robert E Howard

"To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"I know of no American who starts from a higher level of aspiration than the journalist. . . . He plans to be both an artist and a moralist - a master of lovely words and merchant of sound ideas. He ends, commonly, as the most depressing jackass of his community - that is, if his career goes on to what is called a success." - H L Mencken

"The way that I look at it is that, when we film for eight months straight for a new 'Jackass' movie, I know that I'm going to wind up with at least two broken bones. I don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't contemplate how you're going to fall and what's going to happen." - Bam Margera

"I was a jackass in many ways. I projected that cruelty towards others, that kid whose hand I was wringing. If I could have hurt a hundred weaklings - weaker than me, and I was already very weak - I would. I was dying to hurt somebody, to pay it forward." - Gary Shteyngart

"Muhammad was a jackass. People who believe in him are stupid. Let us call a spade as spade. These people must be laughed at. They, and their screwball prophet have to be ridiculed not respected. Let them cringe, let them wince, let them agonize. We must demolish this fetish and break the shackles of these wretched people. They must be set free and the only way to do that is to demolish their fetish." - Ali Sina

"How to Comfort Yourself When You Have Acted Like a Jackass Everyone does this occasionally, and you shouldn't feel too upset about it unless it happens quite often, such as three times a day, in which case you must simply get used to it. Remember, other people like you as well or better for it, because it makes them feel so superior; so you've spread a little sunshine. And at the very least, you've served as a bad example." - Peg Bracken

"We like to pretend that our generous impulses come naturally. But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first. It's the reason... we have to get burned before we understand the power of fire; the reason our most meaningful relationships are so often those that continued beyond the very juncture at which they came the closest to ending." - Cheryl Strayed

"The dividing line [between friends and acquaintances] is communication, I think. A friend is someone to whom you can say any jackass thing that enters your mind. With acquaintances, you are forever aware of their slightly unreal image of you, and to keep them content, you edit yourself to fit. Many marriages are between acquaintances. You can be with a person for three hours of your life and have a friend. Another will remain an acquaintance for thirty years." - John D Macdonald

"Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one's mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes



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