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Jack Benny Quotes


"Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost." - Anonymous

"I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist." - Gilbert Gottfried

"Last night at Carnegie Hall, Jack Benny played Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn lost." - Harold C. Schonberg

"There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes." - Fred Allen

"My idol was Jack Benny and he was the master of subtlety and timing." - Don Knotts

"The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences." - Bob Newhart

"Jack Benny, Fred Allen. Their jokes were wonderful. It takes skill to be funny. The timing of Jack Benny was so fine. It is a form of genius for which we should be grateful." - Kurt Vonnegut

"When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat." - Fred Allen

"Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me." - Bob Hope

"When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks." - George Burns

"When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in." - Bob Hope

"I have often been told that I have many of the same mannerisms as Jack Benny and certainly Bob Cummings." - Dwayne Hickman

"I could do John Wayne, Jack Benny, Jack Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson and entertain my friends. But I never seriously considered it as a career choice." - Phil Hartman

"Benny Goodman plays the clarinet. I play music." - Artie Shaw

"My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!" - Bob Hope

"Jack Benny had style from the beginning. He stood straight and walked kind of sideways as if he were being gently shoved by a touch of genius." - William Saroyan

"I used to sing Bill Monroe songs. And I'd sing Dennis Day songs like songs that he sang on the Jack Benny show." - Johnny Cash

"I love getting on You Tube to look at the old comics. I am in my element seeing guys like Jack Benny and Phil Silvers give interviews." - Bruce Forsyth

"I consider you as old as you look and feel. And in that case I feel - I feel I'm about 39, like Jack Benny." - Joan Collins

"More fools know Jack Fool than Jack Fool knows." - William Shakespeare

"Jack, you've debauched my sloth." - Patrick O'Brian

"All work and no play makes jack. With enough jack, Jack needn't be a dull boy." - Malcolm Forbes

"I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." - Lloyd Bentsen

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack go under the limbo stick." - Chubby Checker

"Everybody ought to listen to Benny [Carter]. He's a whole musical education." - Miles Davis

"Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in." - Bob Hope

"I've always been the king of silence. I've always been a minimalist comedian. I've taken my influence from Jack Benny, who was the king of that I've always done 'less is more.'" - Albert Brooks

"When television began, it modeled itself after radio. Many early television programs were radio programs first. 'My Favorite Wife,' 'The Jack Benny Show,' 'Burns and Allen,' 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents.'" - David Gerrold

"I have a very strong visual memory of the first time I made him laugh. That was remarkable. I was like, "Oh, God, I just made Jack Benny laugh."" - Harry Shearer

"I always used to sit next to Mel Blanc when we'd do the shows. When you have Jack Benny on one side and Mel Blanc on the other, you're not going to go far wrong." - Harry Shearer

"Stand-up comedy is a very hard thing on the spirit. There are people who transcend it, like Jack Benny and Steve Martin, but in its essence, it's soul-destroying. It tends to turn people into control freaks." - Mike Nichols

"I've always been the king of silence. I've always been a minimalist comedian. I've taken my influence from Jack Benny, who was the king of that... I've always done 'less is more.'" - Albert Brooks

"I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head." - Bob Newhart

"If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage." - Bob Newhart

"Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story." - Bob Newhart

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack sat on a candle stick, cause fire is the devil's only friend." - Don Mclean

"Hit him again, Jack! He's crazy!" - Hunter S Thompson

"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." - Lloyd Bentsen

"You're so stupid, Rose! - Jack Dawson" - James Cameron

"Where Jack isn't safe, Tom's in danger." - George Eliot

"Jack Nicholson is a hero of mine." - Joseph Morgan

"Jack Daniels makes us all puke." - Graham Coxon

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth." - Patrick O'Brian

"Jack shall pipe and Gill shall dance." - George Wither

"Jack Reacher is a brilliant movie" - Ken Follett

"Rose: You're trembling. Jack: I'll be alright." - James Cameron

"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy." - Lloyd Bentsen

"People think, 'Jack, you do too much." - Jack Ma

"Happiness is working with Jack Lemmon." - Billy Wilder

"Listening to Benny [Goodman] talk about the clarinet was like listening to a surgeon get hung up on a scalpel." - Artie Shaw

"The distance between me and Benny [Goodman], was that I was trying to play a musical thing, and Benny was trying to swing. Benny had great fingers; I'd never deny that. But listen to our two versions of 'Star Dust.' I was playing; he was swinging." - Artie Shaw

"I'm Jack the Ripper. I love women. I'm Jack the Ripper. I caused terror throughout London-" - Jack the Ripper

"Since every Jack became a gentleman There's many a gentle person made a Jack." - William Shakespeare

"The game of golf was bigger than Jack Nicklaus when Jack was dominating the game." - Tim Finchem

"It's very, very corrupting to the spirit, doing comedy. And you have to be almost a saint, like Jack Benny was, like Steve Martin is, to avoid the corrupting of it, because there's very little work where the actual work and the reward are simultaneous, and comedy is that." - Mike Nichols

"I play trumpet. And I took all the music courses in college, so I can also play the string instruments, keyboard, the brass and woodwinds - but only well enough to teach them. If you put a violin in front of me, you wouldn't say, 'My God, that guy can play.' It'd probably sound more like Jack Benny." - Jon Tester

"I was in love with a lot of people, because I was a student of the game of comedy - Carol Burnett, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Moms Mabley - who gets no credit, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, George Kirby. I loved them all, and I used to just take a page out of all of them." - Bernie Mac

"Rose: You have a gift Jack, you do. You see people. Jack: I see you. Rose: And? Jack: You wouldn't have jumped." - James Cameron

"Benny was awake again. Happened every morning." - Eoin Colfer

"Americans think the only funny Brits are John Cleese, Benny Hill and whoever makes our toothpaste. They're not laughing with us, they are laughing at us." - A. A. Gill

"For all we know, at this very moment, somewhere far beyond all those distant stars, Benny Russell is dreaming of us." - Avery Brooks

"The problem of expressing the contributions that Benny Carter has made to popular music is so tremendous it completely fazes me, so extraordinary a musician is he." - Duke Ellington

"My first official consulting job, therefore, was for a scrap metal dealer (he resented the term junk dealer) in East Edmonton named Benny Sugarman." - Preston Manning

"As for my band, well, my mentors were Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman, Jimmie Lunceford, and no one had a band more smartly dressed than Duke." - B B King

"Some say that Cusk has no sense of humour, but expecting giggles from this writer would be akin to expecting sonnets from Benny Hill." - Julie Burchill

"All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy." - Paul Laurence Dunbar

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." - Stanley Kubrick

"Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!" - Maureen Johnson

"The career 500th home run for Michael Jack Schmidt!" - Harry Kalas

"Your attitude is perhaps a little unnecessarily rigorous," suggested Jack." - Robin Mckinley

"Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper." - Maureen Johnson

"I'm tired of all these hippie jack-offs" - Janis Joplin

"Forget Jack, I'm in love with the cold, dirt floor." - Ann Brashares

"Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damndest." - Harry S Truman

"Puttin rhymes into shape just like Jack LaLanne." - Lord Finesse

"Jack: Where to, Miss? Rose: To the stars." - James Cameron

"Captain Jack: Rose, you are worth fighting for. [Jack kisses Rose passionately] Captain Jack: Wish I'd never met you, Doctor, I was much better off as a coward. [Jack kisses the Doctor the same way]" - Russell T Davies

"Best thing wrong with Jack Fisher is nothing." - Casey Stengel

"Well, I never got to meet Jack Nicholson." - Mackenzie Astin

"I grew up knowing [Jack Johnson], surfing with him." - Donavon Frankenreiter

"Jack, you have like serious anger management issues." - Kelly Osbourne

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." - Proverbs

"Jack: Actually, I was found. Lady Bracknell: Found? Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag. Lady Bracknell: A handbag? Jack: Yes, it was... [makes gestures] Jack: an ordinary handbag." - Oscar Wilde

"What little Jack does not learn, big John will never." - Proverbs

"Jack: Actually, I was found. Lady Bracknell: Found? Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag. Lady Bracknell: A handbag? Jack: Yes, it was... [makes gestures] Jack: an ordinary handbag." - Oscar Wilde

"Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack in 'Titanic' was my childhood crush!" - Christa B Allen

"I have been a Jack Albertson fan forever." - Keith Coogan

"Now Jack Charlton wasn't wrong, I was a bad footballer." - Craig Johnston

"I'm a Jack of all trades character actor, really." - Steffan Rhodri

"I grew up watching Lee Trevino, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer." - Molly Sims

"Jack Nicklaus is the greatest winner I've ever seen." - Dan Jenkins

"Penn & Teller don't know jack about global warming." - Penn Jillette

"I'm not getting into a public debate with Jack Nicklaus." - Tim Finchem

"I kind of wish they"d shut up," Jack said. "Dude, true dat," Lend answered. Jack nodded solemnly. "For serious." - Kiersten White

"Nay, but Jack, such eyes! such eyes! so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! Not a glance but speaks and kindles some thought of love! Then, Jack, her cheeks! her cheeks, Jack! so deeply blushing at the insinuations of her tell-tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips! O, Jack, lips smiling at their own discretion! and, if not smiling, more sweetly pouting - more lovely in sullenness! Then, Jack, her neck! O, Jack, Jack!" - Richard Brinsley Sheridan

"I kind of wish they'd shut up," Jack said. "Dude, true dat," Lend answered. Jack nodded solemnly. "For serious." - Kiersten White

"But the people I admire have always been people like Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson and Jack Lemmon." - Evan Jones

"Grocer Jack, Grocer Jack, Is it true what Mammy said, You won't come back. Oh no, no." - Keith West

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy." - Maria Edgeworth

"Jack," said Charles, "he's making up words again." "Yes," Jack replied, "but he's getting better at it, don't you think?" - James A. Owen

"Whether you know Jack Ryan or you don't know Jack Ryan, he's a compelling person to spend time with." - David Barron

"It's hard not to play golf that's up to Jack Nicklaus standards when you are Jack Nicklaus." - Jack Nicklaus

"Benny Goodman's band was integrated before baseball. Even before it was physically integrated, music was integrated. Everyone listened to Armstrong and Ellington. The 20s was called the Jazz Age. It's part of being American." - Wynton Marsalis

"Since the advent of Benny Goodman, there have been too few clarinetists to fill the void that Goodman left. Ken Peplowski is most certainly one of those few. The man is magic." - Mel Torme

"Jack and Jill ran up the hill, both for a little fun. Jack's plan was deception while Jill sought affection. And Jack wouldn't quit till he won." - Laurie Faria Stolarz

"I told her why we are here. I told you wouldn't hurt Jack." "The coffin?" I smiled. I couldn't help it. He was a 'jack in a box." - Laurell K Hamilton

"I'd rather be Jack be smart, than Jack be quick. Watch out for the man with the big fat licking stick." - James Brown

"You're not weird, are you? (Jack) Not particularly, no. (Syd) Well, good. I got enough weirdness for the lot of us. Do' want to share it. (Jack)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"You're not weird, are you? (Jack) Not particularly, no. (Syd) Well, good. I got enough weirdness for the lot of us. Don't want to share it. (Jack)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"Hit the road Jack, don'tcha come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road Jack, don'tcha come back no more." - Ray Charles

"There's a lot of me in Captain Jack and there's a lot of Captain Jack in me. And there is no pun intended." - John Barrowman

"Every immortal except Jack Nicklaus has hit a wall and stopped making putts he had to make in order to win. Jack did it for 20 years." - Dan Jenkins

"Everybody in Germany was for the -German cause. But then, after the war ended, when I heard the first Glenn Miller sound on the radio and these fantastic American music makers, I turned into a jazz fanatic. They called me Benny, after Benny Goodman. So, all of a sudden, the eyes of young Germans were opened to America - everything American was absolutely at the top of the list." - Luigi Colani

"Listen to John Coltrane enough and after two bars, just two bars at any place, and you know that's him. We all have signature things that happen to be similar that you can predict and you try to stay away from that except the rhythms: those pauses, they're part of my signature, the part where I know when I say nothing, I already painted enough, led enough and I don't even have to say anything. But those pauses don't belong to me. Jack Benny was one of the first guys in comedy to make the anticipation so great that during the pause people start to laugh before the execution." - Bill Cosby

"Nobody ever heard Jack Nicklaus say "I don't know" about anything." - Johnny Miller

"Mike Jack. Who's bad? Aint on my period, but I got a new pad." - Nicki Minaj

"The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack." - H L Mencken

"I want to be buried with a Zippo, a roll of dimes & a bottle of Jack!" - Frank Sinatra

"Jack leaped over the gate, his sword aflame. To vanquish his foe and rescue his love." - Melissa De La Cruz

"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels." - Darynda Jones

"And I Jack, the Pumpkin King, have grown so tired of the same old thing..." - Tim Burton

"every Jack He must study the knack If he wants to make sure of his Jill!" - W. S. Gilbert

"Every jack has his jill; if only they can find each other." - Randle Cotgrave

"My theory about Jack is that he's not a very good parent." - Victor Garber

"Jack Dempsey and I became friends in the very early 1920s." - Paul Getty

"But I also directed Jack Barrymore and Ronald Colman and James Stewart, to name a few." - George Cukor

"Don't jack off a cactus, you'll only hurt your hand and the cactus' feelings" - Tre Cool

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow." - Evan Esar

"What's your angle?" I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. "Isosceles," Jack quipped." - Amanda Hocking

"Right now Jack lives with me. Jack is my Jack Russell. I also have a Yorkie named Ginger, but Jack and Ginger can't be in the same place at the same time because she is very jealous. Even if Jack's not in the same state, she would growl if she heard his name." - Mariah Carey

"Whereever you end up;" Jack whispered into my ear."I wish you clear skies. Always" - Wendy Mass

"Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford, Jack?" - Stephen King

"If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat." - Stephen Colbert

"The only people who put iced tea in Jack Daniel's bottles is the Clash baby!!" - David Lee Roth

"Jack writes severe lampoons on me, 'tis said - But he writes nothing, who is never read." - Marcus Valerius Martial

"And all labor without any play, boys, Makes Jack a dull boy in the end." - Alexander Hay Japp

"I'd like to thank all those who made this award possible-especially Jack Warner." - Julie Andrews

"I managed lots of clubs. I had more clubs than Jack Nicholson" - Bobby Gould

"How can you not love Jack Gleeson? Hes amazing. Hes the nicest guy." - Sophie Turner

"I fell in love with you again; While you were away - Jack Salmon" - Alice Sebold

"I really loved Witches of Eastwick, the movie with Michelle Pfeiffer and Jack Nicholson and Cher." - Madchen Amick

"Jack came whirling in like a little gay tornado with Duchess following him." - P C Cast

"My nickname in high school was jack-o-lantern because I'm missing 9 teeth" - Thom Yorke

"The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath." - Terry Butcher

"Chasing dragons with plastic swords, Jack Off Jimmy everybody wants more." - Sheryl Crow

"The public is entitled to know whether or not I am married to Jack The Ripper." - Geraldine Ferraro

"Working with Jack [Nicholson] is sort of like standing in front of the Grand Canyon." - Diane Keaton

"There are gods in Alabama: Jack Daniel's, high school quarterbacks, trucks, big tits, and also Jesus." - Joshilyn Jackson

"Rock and Roll's got to be like Jack Daniels. You've got to feel it burn." - Nikki Sixx

"Aral the Jack, formerly the noble Aral Kingslayer, is the best kind of hero." - Alex Bledsoe



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