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Baby Jesus Quotes


"Sometimes I prayed for Baby Jesus to make me good, but Baby Jesus didn't." - Barbara Kingsolver

"Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus" - Louise Rennison

"Sweet weeping baby Jesus he has a six-pack to beat all six-packs!" - P C Cast

"The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked." - Andy Borowitz

"Advent is not about a sentimental waiting for the Baby Jesus," - Richard Rohr

"Jesus Christ founded His Kingdom on the weakest link of all-a Baby." - Oswald Chambers

"No touching Baby Jesus." "But we're his parents!" proclaimed Mary Beth, who was being generous to include poor Joseph under this appellation. "Mary Beth," Barb Wiggin said, "if you touch the Baby Jesus, I'm putting you in a cow costume." - John Irving

"By the way, if that baby in there turns out to be Jesus... somebody owes somebody an apology." - Jon Stewart

"Burn rubber, not your soul, baby." - Craig Fernandez

"LSD as Adolf Hitler: Heil Baby!" - Mel Brooks

"You must have been a beautiful baby, 'Cos baby just look at you now." - Johnny Mercer

"I think if I'm 40 and I don't have any kids and I'm not married, I would have a baby artificially inseminated. I would feel like Mary - like Jesus is my baby." - Kim Kardashian

"I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath." - Nhat Hanh

"If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load." - Dana Gould

"If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche." - Dave Attell

"I love my family but my family - they're the type of people that never let you forget anything you ever did... I was in the first grade Christmas play - I'm playing Mary. Now, during the course of the play, I dropped the baby Jesus... They still talk about this. I go to my family reunion, and one of my cousins just had a baby. So I'm like, 'Oh, that's a cute little baby. Let me hold the baby...' And my aunt runs over, 'Don't you give her that baby! You know she dropped the baby Jesus!'" - Wanda Sykes

"No touching Baby Jesus." "But we"re his parents!" proclaimed Mary Beth, who was being generous to include poor Joseph under this appellation. "Mary Beth," Barb Wiggin said, "if you touch the Baby Jesus, I'm putting you in a cow costume." - John Irving

"People seldom live up to their baby pictures." - Rodney Dangerfield

"A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother." - Mark Twain

"Flowers are words which even a baby can understand." - Arthur Cleveland Coxe

"Without a deadline, baby, I wouldn't do nothing." - Duke Ellington

"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard." - Andy Borowitz

"Personally, I think wearing a baby chinchilla says, 'I'm ignorant." - Eva Mendes

"If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would show me any love? Do you think Jesus would love me?" - Mike Tyson

"Jesus is our Advocate before God." - Charles Stanley

"The mega-strategy of Jesus: make disciples." - David Platt

"Jesus will brush aside your inabilities." - Bill Vaughan

"As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th." - Karl Pilkington

"There would be no Christmas if there had not been Easter. The babe Jesus of Bethlehem would be but another baby without the redeeming Christ of Gethsemane and Calvary, and the triumphant fact of the Resurrection." - Gordon B Hinckley

"Only in Jesus Christ do we see how the untamable, infinite God can become a baby and a loving Savior. On the cross we see how both the love and the holiness of God can be fulfilled at once." - Timothy Keller

"Most artists I know had one person in their life who told them they were the second coming of the baby Jesus, and another person that told them they weren't worth anything, and they believed them both, you know?" - Bruce Springsteen

"Once in royal David's city Stood a lowly cattle shed, Where a Mother laid her Baby In a manger for His bed: Mary was that Mother mild, Jesus Christ her little Child." - Cecil Frances Alexander

"I auditioned for the role of an angel in the Nativity play at school. I didn't get it. I auditioned for Mary; didn't get it. So I made up the character of the sheep who sat next to Baby Jesus." - Nicole Kidman

"But I gotta say, oh, baby, oh baby, why is this so familiar? Just met her, already feel like I know the real her." - Drake

"I am about to impart to you the sacred words my father gave to me. It's the five responses that will get you out of any female problem...I do' know what you're talking about. I did' do it. Baby, there's no one else in my world but you. Oops. And Jesus is Lord. Not to mention you can combine them. Such as - I do' know what you're talking about, I did' do it, or Jesus is Lord, baby, you know there's no one else in my world but you. (Jesse) (Simone opens the bathroom door.) Oops, Jesus is Lord. (Xypher)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"I am about to impart to you the sacred words my father gave to me. It's the five responses that will get you out of any female problem...I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do it. Baby, there's no one else in my world but you. Oops. And Jesus is Lord. Not to mention you can combine them. Such as - I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't do it, or Jesus is Lord, baby, you know there's no one else in my world but you. (Jesse) (Simone opens the bathroom door.) Oops, Jesus is Lord. (Xypher)" - Sherrilyn Kenyon

"Do you want - do you want - do you want to dance with me baby?" - Joni Mitchell

"It's like a mother, when the baby is crying, she picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms. Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, to recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief." - Nhat Hanh

"Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first." - Mignon Mclaughlin

"...we almost never speak I don't feel welcome anymore baby what happened, please tell me?" - Taylor Swift

"I should try to be strong, but baby, you're the right kind of wrong." - Leann Rimes

"I would be heavenly if baby you'd just rescue me now" - Matt Nathanson

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things - wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities." - Eda LeShan

"I slept like a baby. Every two hours, I woke up and cried." - Tom McVie

"Who is getting more pleasure from this rocking, the baby or me?" - Nancy Thayer

"Precious and priceless, so lovable, too; The world's sweetest miracle, baby, is you." - Helen Steiner Rice

"Baby she look like a star, but only on camera, only on camera, only on camera." - Drake

"Baby I'll never forget none of that. Girl I told you I was comin back." - Drake

"When raindrops hit the tin roof it's crazy. That's a metaphor, did I lose you baby?" - Drake

"I threw out all the bath water, and there was no baby there." - Dan Barker

"Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last." - Charles Dickens

"Don't forget that compared to a grownup person every baby is a genius." - May Sarton

"I really don't believe in abortion. It's like killing a baby." - Justin Bieber

"It was a hubba, hubba, ding dang, baby you are just everythang." - Tom Waits

"What's shaking, chiefy baby?" - Thurgood Marshall

"Just shred baby, shred." - Al Davis

"I'm world champion, baby!" - Jenson Button

"That's the nature of my [stand-up] act: black man with a white baby." - W. Kamau Bell

"Overpay good baby-sitters." - H Jackson Brown Jr

"Baby, I said. I'm a genius but nobody knows it but me." - Charles Bukowski

"I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory." - Sloane Crosley

"Jesus was the greatest religious genius that ever lived." - Ernest Renan

"Instructions from Jesus will always yield favorable results." - Creflo A. Dollar

"Jesus Christ was an extremist for love, truth and goodness." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Jesus took His flesh from the flesh of Mary" - Saint Augustine

"Give up your good 'Christian' life and follow Jesus" - Garrison Keillor

"Help me, Jesus. I know what I am." - Johnny Cash

"Jesus will not fail me, I shall not be moved." - Johnny Cash

"I know that all things are possible through Jesus Christ." - Jason Derulo

"Each one of them is Jesus in disguise." - Mother Teresa

"It takes a Newton to forge a Newton. What man could have fabricated a Jesus? None but a Jesus." - Theodore Parker

"The immense wealth of doctrine and institutions can become a handicap if we are trying to present all of that to a person who has lost all contact with the Church and no longer knows who Jesus is. That would be like clothing a baby with one of those enormous, heavy brocaded copes that priests and bishops used to wear. Instead, it is necessary to help this person establish a relationship with Jesus." - Raniero Cantalamessa

"Back in Georgie's attic, he yanks the phone out of the socket and begins scrolling down the names under dialed calls, praying to anyone who will listen. God. Baby Jesus. Saint Thomas the doubter. Saint Whoever, patron saint of losers. Praying, Please, please, don't let it be true. The first name shatters him. The second makes his head spin." - Melina Marchetta

"Grace! It's Christmas for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower letting his hair down, so that the three wise men could climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there's six more weeks of winter!" - Karen Walker

"Celebrate the feast of Christmas every day, even every moment in the interior temple of your spirit, remaining like a baby in the bosom of the heavenly Father, where you will be reborn each moment in the Divine Word, Jesus Christ." - Paul of the Cross

"Once in royal David's city Stood a lowly cattle shed, Where a Mother laid her Baby In a manger for His bed: Mary was that Mother mild Jesus Christ her little Child . . . With the poor, and mean, and lowly, Lived on earth our Savior Holy." - Cecil Frances Alexander

"Christmas has been a season of mixed interests and meanings, but the very foundation, of course, is its religious significance. No matter what other personal desires or crises we have faced, I've never forgotten that this is the time to celebrate the birth of the Baby Jesus, and the impact of this event on the history of the world." - Jimmy Carter

"Of course, certain religious expressions are fine. If a tribe of Aqualishes wants to boil rhino horns in frog saliva on the National Mall to honor their deity, we'd have a commemorative postage stamp ready by next December. But let a Christian mention the baby Jesus to a kindergarten class and the ACLU wants an exorcism..." - Kathleen Parker

"I went to school for a short period of time to study fashion. I wanted to become a stylist or a designer. I made clothes when I was a teenager that I used to sell online. My label name was "Baby Jesus" - so incredibly stupid, but whatever, I was 17!" - Bethany Cosentino

"The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history, because it has meant the pouring into a sick world the healing medicine of love which has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years." - George Matthew Adams

"'Cause your love got the best of me, and baby you're making a fool of me. You got me sprung and i don't care who sees, 'cause baby you got me so crazy." - Beyonce Knowles

"Like, this is my baby. This isn't America's baby." - Kanye West

"A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers." - Kevin Nealon

"We are really looking at all of our options. I mean, listen, whether it's IVF or whatever it is, we want to have a baby and we will have a baby." - Giuliana Rancic

"I'm a baby. I sleep like a baby - I'm up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come." - Billy Crystal

"A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops [very pleasant thanks for that mental image Maurice!]" - Mo Johnston

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

"I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food." - Robert Orben

"Baby being part of this life I feel like I'm bound to end up with somebody that's been with everybody" - Drake

"He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time." - Eugene Field

"She would lift her peignoir above her knees and say to her husband: 'Give baby a kiss...'" - Isaac Babel

"What's wrong with assholes, baby?" - Charles Bukowski

"No one vinces me, baby" - Michael Grant

"I played Baby New Year. When everybody started hollering and throwing confetti, I thought it was for me." - Frederick Kelly

"I can dodge bullets, baby!" - Phil Hellmuth

"Oh God, me." - Julie James

"I took a baby shower." - Steven Wright

"C'mon baby light for me!" - Cody Lundin

"Everybody's baby, ain't nobody's gal." - Dan Bern

"I'm a real American baby!" - Shawn Michaels

"One of my favorite eras is the '80s. I'm an '80s baby to the world, love everything about the '80s." - Deon Cole

"Every baby needs a lap." - Henry Robin

"Homosexuality is a sickness, just as are baby-rape or wanting to become head of General Motors." - Eldridge Cleaver

"Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes? It had a penis and a brain." - Anonymous

"Prism! Where is that baby?" - Oscar Wilde

"The first time I had to hold a baby, I was really nervous, but I soon grew in confidence." - Jessica Raine

"I am a Cajun Baby in a Texas girl, an all-American woman and a global goddess." - Erin Cummings

"I enjoy the old-fashioned idea of, like, 'His Girl Friday' and 'Bringing Up Baby', those old movies." - Judy Greer

"I want a pig. I want a pig on a leash. A baby pig on a leash." - Kesha

"It was like I had a baby and I suddenly started to feel I could play anything." - Selma Blair

"Whenever I look at a baby or children in general, I smile and just want to play with them." - Odeya Rush

"We're all born bald, baby." - Telly Savalas

"I'm not adopting a baby." - Cynthia Nixon

"Stand-up is my baby." - Kevin Hart

"I've always wanted a baby." - Marilyn Monroe

"It's not burn baby burn, but learn, baby, learn, so that you can earn, baby, earn." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"She was lying like a loaf of bread. I said, baby, baby, baby, are you dead?" - Mojo Nixon

"At the Superdome, a young man came up to me holding a baby. He'd run out of diapers. He'd run out of medicine. His baby was sick. The guy's saying, 'Help me! Take my baby.' What could I do? That's the definition of helpless." - Ray Nagin

"The New Testament never simply says, "Remember Jesus Christ." That is a half-finished sentence. It says, "Remember Jesus Christ is risen from the dead."" - Robert Runcie

"Jesus gave his life on the cross for any who will believe. We're not redeemed by silver or gold. Jesus paid for it with his blood." - Billy Sunday

"White man goes into his churches to talk about Jesus, the Indian into his Tepee to talk to Jesus (with Peyote etc)." - Quanah Parker

"Come to Jesus. Come to Jesus." - Adrian Rogers

"The message of Easter is not that Jesus is alive, it is so much more. The message of Easter is that Jesus has risen!" - Colin S. Smith

"In our fluctuations of feeling, it is well to remember that Jesus admits no change in His affections; your heart is not the compass Jesus saileth by." - Samuel Rutherford

"Men choose a religion, but a Christian is chosen by Jesus Christ." - Mehdi Dibaj

"Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful." - Christian Finnegan

"He who loves his enemies betrays his friends; this surely is not what Jesus meant." - William Blake

"He who wants to learn true humility should reflect upon the Passion of Jesus. (267)" - Mary Faustina Kowalska

"If Socrates died like a philosopher, Jesus Christ died like a God." - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

"I would have met Jesus sooner if not for Christians who led double lives." - Keith Green

"Prayer means talking over with Jesus everything that happens from morning until night." - Basilea Schlink

"Let us pray, and as we pray, let us make room for Jesus in our hearts." - Dwight L Moody

"I can't believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher." - Billy Connolly

"If Jesus Christ was not perfect, then the religion bearing his name falls to the ground." - Swami Vivekananda

"Every day I see Jesus Christ in all his distressing disguises." - Mother Teresa

"Jesus reserved his hardest words for the hidden sins of hypocrisy, pride, greed and legalism." - Philip Yancey

"Jesus does not demand great actions from us, but simply surrender and gratitude." - Therese Of Lisieux

"He [Jesus] has no need of our works but only of our love." - Therese Of Lisieux

"I ... [rely] upon the merits of Jesus Christ for a pardon of all my sins." - Samuel Adams

"Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is the Living Heart of each of our parishes" - Pope Paul Vi

"All those who belong to Jesus Christ are fastened with Him to the cross." - Saint Augustine

"The teaching of Jesus, if properly understood, would do away with organized temple worship altogether." - Wallace D. Wattles

"If Jesus had never lived, we would not have been able to invent him." - Philip Yancey

"Now Jesus don't like killin'/No matter what the reason's for." - John Prine

"The atonement of Jesus Christ is the only remedy and rest for my soul." - Martin Van Buren

"Accept Him? Do we really think Jesus needs our acceptance? Don't we need Him?" - David Platt

"Do we believe the reward found in Jesus is worth the risk of following Him?" - David Platt

"Redeeming sinners from all nations through Jesus Christ was God's plan from the beginning." - Colin S. Smith

"Jesus was a pacifist." - Chris Hedges

"Jesus never pussyfooted" - Elisabeth Elliot



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